sandyclaus

Search for a member

Offline (the 02/09/2014 at 11:17pm)

sandyclaus

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2097
  • Number of comments : 17
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in their description.

sandyclaus's page activity

Visits<b>xadoringx</b> - the 02/03/2014 at 2:58am<b>GoodRichPope</b> - the 02/03/2014 at 12:49am<b>JBChristian</b> - the 02/02/2014 at 10:48pm<b>razi1</b> - the 02/02/2014 at 10:39pm<b>MissCharlotte</b> - the 08/16/2013 at 10:06pm<b>dead_insects</b> - the 05/21/2013 at 7:32pm<b>lmc94</b> - the 05/13/2013 at 5:44pm<b>kiwi2006</b> - the 11/06/2012 at 7:12am<b>TergesteCity</b> - the 05/28/2012 at 1:39am<b>Toby13</b> - the 04/05/2012 at 1:49am<b>skittelz1</b> - the 04/01/2012 at 10:23pm<b>kb021</b> - the 03/22/2012 at 12:43am<b>Cad6</b> - the 03/19/2012 at 10:53pm<b>Raccoo</b> - the 03/14/2012 at 10:38pm<b>aleishaa_jadee</b> - the 03/11/2012 at 7:50am<b>holy_fool6969</b> - the 03/10/2012 at 9:47pm<b>rcbarnes</b> - the 03/06/2012 at 5:32pm<b>pink_raindrops</b> - the 03/05/2012 at 8:42am

sandyclaus's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

See all of sandyclaus's badges

sandyclaus's favorite FMLs

Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML

by jay ze punk / 01/29/2013 at 2:56pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love

Today, I told my girlfriend that my identical twin and I are not in fact related, that he's adopted, and that the only reason we look exactly the same is because we eat and drink the same things. She actually believed it. FML

by datingablonde / 01/11/2013 at 12:20am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got genuinely annoyed at myself when I realised I probably lack the skills to survive a Zombie apocalypse. FML

by drake86 / 01/09/2013 at 11:42am / United Kingdom (Argyll and Bute) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, a little girl came in and asked if we had any dance clothes. As I showed her, I asked if she was in a competition. When she said yes, I crossed my fingers and told her I hoped she would win. Unfortunately, I didn't cross them properly and I accidentally gave her the finger. FML

by georgiamarshall_ / 01/09/2013 at 5:42am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

by ugh / 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML

by thewhompingwillow / 09/01/2012 at 1:56pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML

by Jarman / 07/26/2012 at 1:39am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, as I turned the shower on, I got covered in gravy. Turns out, my friends had unscrewed the shower head, filled it with gravy granules, then screwed it back on. FML

by J Rush / 03/21/2012 at 7:46am / United Kingdom (Powys) / Health

Today, I had a conversation with another patient in my gyno's waiting room. It was about her getting pregnant in a truck while passed out drunk, her therapist's frequent use of a "For Dummies" books, and how she had waxed and oiled everything to impress our doctor. FML

by PatientInWaiting / 03/19/2012 at 6:37am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML

by FoodyFood / 03/19/2012 at 12:59am / Australia (South Australia) / Kids

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML

by PUA / 03/14/2012 at 9:06pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2012 at 8:51am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Intimacy

Today, I discovered that the amount of alcohol I have to drink to build up enough courage to talk to women at a bar is the exact amount of alcohol that prevents me from getting a boner. FML

by socially awkward / 03/10/2012 at 1:00am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

by Fraser / 03/08/2012 at 2:03pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend was complaining of being stressed, so I mentioned having heard that sex relieves a lot of that build up of stress. She replied, "I think I'd rather stay stressed." FML

by RZ / 03/07/2012 at 10:42am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy