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sammixowlface96

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sammixowlface96

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 28 March 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 396
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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sammixowlface96's page activity

Visits<b>thisiswilli</b> - the 12/04/2013 at 5:03pm<b>SneakyCaveman</b> - the 08/19/2012 at 6:50pm

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sammixowlface96's favorite FMLs

Today, I waked in on my boyfriend and his best friend playing "Dick Wars" while wearing glow in the dark condoms. FML

#9416886
392 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48914) - you deserved it (9608)

On 03/27/2010 at 4:26am - intimacy - by pumpkinlover89 - United States (California)

Today, I panicked when I felt a hard bump on the side of my stomach. I thought I had appendicitis. Turns out it was my ab muscles. I've been overweight so long I didn't know what they felt like. FML

#8063037
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7862) - you deserved it (22748)

On 02/09/2010 at 8:16pm - health - by conchita (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, while at work at a maternity and baby clothes store, I was supposed to send out an email about our "Beat the Clock" sale. After it was sent to over 500 people, I realized that I'd misspelled the subject line. It read, "Beat the Cock Sale." FML

#7336635
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11767) - you deserved it (28406)

On 01/14/2010 at 10:55am - work - by Oops (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I finally told my girlfriend I love her. She corrected my grammar. FML

#6978473
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22516) - you deserved it (8759)

On 12/27/2009 at 7:37pm - love - by ITalkGood - Sent from mobile version

Today, my mom and I were going to the store. I decided to stay in the car while she went in. In the car next to me, there was a dog in the driver's seat barking at me. Bored, I barked back at it until I realized there was someone in the passenger's seat watching me. FML

#6896062
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7932) - you deserved it (30263)

On 12/23/2009 at 1:17am - animals - by ApolloandDixie (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was working at a children's play centre, and my stomach was twisting and turning. Thinking no one was around, I let out a small fart, only to turn and see a little girl running to her mom yelling, "Mommy-mommy that lady just farted and it sounded like daddy!" FML

#6441579
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11949) - you deserved it (23442)

On 11/25/2009 at 2:36am - kids - by n/a - United States

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

#5828114
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (87623) - you deserved it (14647)

On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was working at a hospital-level rest home. I was making the rounds when I noticed a woman was sitting in her (electric) wheelchair in the middle of the hall. Going closer I saw her battery was flat so I said "Uh-oh! Looks like you've died." She bawled her eyes out and said "Not yet." FML

#5144800
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13349) - you deserved it (48722)

On 09/09/2009 at 5:58am - misc - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Otago)

Today, at work, I accidentally got ink on my white dress shirt - right by my left nipple. Absentmindedly, I licked my finger and tried rubbing the stain out. When I looked up, the Vice President was staring at me in disbelief. FML

#5110537
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34363) - you deserved it (5926)

On 09/07/2009 at 6:19pm - work - by CMANIA (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML

#5023089
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13597) - you deserved it (55212)

On 09/03/2009 at 4:59pm - misc - by Co-B (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I found out that even though my parents have been married for 21 years, our "family friend," who routinely accompanies us on family vacations, completes their threesome. Everyone in town has known for years, except for me and my older brother. FML

#3891505
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48310) - you deserved it (2357)

On 07/19/2009 at 10:05pm - intimacy - by whitechocolate (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML

#3192725
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83108) - you deserved it (14199)

On 06/25/2009 at 12:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, when petting my friend's dog, I acted like I was going to make out with him. While I wasn't looking the dog stuck his entire tongue in my mouth. FML

#2663554
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9829) - you deserved it (76944)

On 06/06/2009 at 3:44pm - health - by thedogkisser (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML

#2508726
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36144) - you deserved it (61401)

On 06/01/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Cail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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