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sammixowlface96

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sammixowlface96

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 28 March 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 417
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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sammixowlface96's page activity

Visits<b>thisiswilli</b> - the 12/04/2013 at 5:03pm<b>SneakyCaveman</b> - the 08/19/2012 at 6:50pm

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sammixowlface96's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out my wife and three daughters all have their period on seperate weeks. I now have no break from yelling. FML

#17761753
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39333) - you deserved it (4693)

On 09/17/2011 at 12:39am - misc - by thedeerman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I bought a new goldfish. While leaving my fish on my balcony to go get fish food, I hear a loud squawk and splash, I race outside to see a bird flying off with my fish. FML

#17603044
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14235) - you deserved it (38688)

On 08/28/2011 at 7:29am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

#17088739
434 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73795) - you deserved it (7690)

On 07/13/2011 at 1:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my family went and visited my nan. She ushered me in close and asked, "When are you going to knock it off with all this emo cockshite?" FML

#16499579
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14240) - you deserved it (42268)

On 06/04/2011 at 2:09pm - misc - by Flarewolf (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I got concussion after a goat ran in front of me while I was jogging. FML

#15942316
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28228) - you deserved it (3802)

On 04/26/2011 at 11:07pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML

#15184059
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37628) - you deserved it (23432)

On 03/03/2011 at 6:22am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out everyone in my family thought the red toothbrush was theirs, and that all four of us have been using the same toothbrush for months. FML

#14596150
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36305) - you deserved it (7816)

On 01/16/2011 at 12:11am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I hit a deer with a rental car... which I had to rent because I hit a deer with my car last week. FML

#14593479
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24837) - you deserved it (19365)

On 01/15/2011 at 8:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I rented a copy How To Train Your Dragon for my young son to watch. I put the DVD in, hit play without paying attention, and went off to make lunch. A few minutes later, my son ran into the kitchen screaming. Apparently, there was a mix up at the rental store and I got a copy of Saw IV. FML

#14337359
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39052) - you deserved it (10529)

On 12/25/2010 at 6:21pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend confessed his desire to have sex while I'm on my period. He calls it "bloody victory." FML

#14087170
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36029) - you deserved it (5334)

On 12/04/2010 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was in a public washroom and I had to take a dump. I knew how dirty the toilets were, so tried to do the "stand and poo." Unfortunately, I slipped and the poo fell on the ground. Then I realized there were no paper towels. There was a line outside waiting. FML

#13799884
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16087) - you deserved it (33605)

On 11/11/2010 at 8:30am - health - by sweet_stufz - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I arrived home to find I'd been broken in to. The culprit? An obese homeless man, who I found face down, unconscious, and surrounded by muesli bar wrappers in my pantry. He broke in, ate everything in sight, soiled himself, and passed out. The worst part? The cops don't even believe me. FML

#13771276
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31566) - you deserved it (2380)

On 11/08/2010 at 10:36pm - money - by Jen - Australia

Today, I was waiting to take a dump in a gas station restroom. A 300 pound man walked out, shook his head, and said "I'm sorry" to me. FML

#13675906
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33532) - you deserved it (3233)

On 11/01/2010 at 3:39pm - misc - by mr_p - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend questioned why I always put my shirts in the dryer right before wearing them. I told him it was because the dryer causes my shirts to regain their form and tightness. His response: "You should throw your vagina in there along with them." FML

#12822018
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39531) - you deserved it (14855)

On 08/30/2010 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by FYouBoyfriend (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my best friend thought it would look cool if I recorded her swinging while lying under the swing. She ended up kicking me in the face and laughing so hard she pissed on me. FML

#12522582
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34306) - you deserved it (18577)

On 08/14/2010 at 4:43pm - love - by Anonymous - United States



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