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sammixowlface96's favorite FMLs
by thedeerman / 09/17/2011 at 12:39am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/28/2011 at 7:29am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
by Anonymous / 07/13/2011 at 1:02am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Flarewolf / 06/04/2011 at 2:09pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/26/2011 at 11:07pm / United States / Animals
Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML
by Anonymous / 03/03/2011 at 6:22am / United States (California) / Work
by Anonymous / 01/16/2011 at 12:11am / United States (Minnesota) / Health
by Anonymous / 01/15/2011 at 8:34pm / United States (Maryland) / Transportation
Today, I rented a copy How To Train Your Dragon for my young son to watch. I put the DVD in, hit play without paying attention, and went off to make lunch. A few minutes later, my son ran into the kitchen screaming. Apparently, there was a mix up at the rental store and I got a copy of Saw IV. FML
by Anonymous / 12/25/2010 at 6:21pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by Anonymous / 12/04/2010 at 7:39pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I was in a public washroom and I had to take a dump. I knew how dirty the toilets were, so tried to do the "stand and poo." Unfortunately, I slipped and the poo fell on the ground. Then I realized there were no paper towels. There was a line outside waiting. FML
by sweet_stufz / 11/11/2010 at 8:30am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, I arrived home to find I'd been broken in to. The culprit? An obese homeless man, who I found face down, unconscious, and surrounded by muesli bar wrappers in my pantry. He broke in, ate everything in sight, soiled himself, and passed out. The worst part? The cops don't even believe me. FML
by Jen / 11/08/2010 at 10:36pm / Australia / Money
by mr_p / 11/01/2010 at 3:39pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend questioned why I always put my shirts in the dryer right before wearing them. I told him it was because the dryer causes my shirts to regain their form and tightness. His response: "You should throw your vagina in there along with them." FML
by FYouBoyfriend / 08/30/2010 at 1:51pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/14/2010 at 4:43pm / United States / Love
- Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking,… Today, I had a relaxing night watching movies with my room-mates. Everyone but I had a girl over to… Today, I was getting into the mood with my boyfriend. Ten minutes into it, I told him to "teach me…