sammixowlface96

Search for a member

sammixowlface96

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 28 March 1996 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 541
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

This member hasn't filled in their description.

sammixowlface96's page activity

Visits<b>HotTea</b> - the 12/12/2015 at 3:51am<b>thisiswilli</b> - the 12/04/2013 at 5:03pm<b>SneakyCaveman</b> - the 08/19/2012 at 6:50pm

sammixowlface96's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

See all of sammixowlface96's badges

sammixowlface96's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out my wife and three daughters all have their period on seperate weeks. I now have no break from yelling. FML

by thedeerman / 09/17/2011 at 12:39am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought a new goldfish. While leaving my fish on my balcony to go get fish food, I hear a loud squawk and splash, I race outside to see a bird flying off with my fish. FML

by Anonymous / 08/28/2011 at 7:29am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2011 at 1:02am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my family went and visited my nan. She ushered me in close and asked, "When are you going to knock it off with all this emo cockshite?" FML

by Flarewolf / 06/04/2011 at 2:09pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I got concussion after a goat ran in front of me while I was jogging. FML

by Anonymous / 04/26/2011 at 11:07pm / United States / Animals

Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML

by Anonymous / 03/03/2011 at 6:22am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I found out everyone in my family thought the red toothbrush was theirs, and that all four of us have been using the same toothbrush for months. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2011 at 12:11am / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, I hit a deer with a rental car... which I had to rent because I hit a deer with my car last week. FML

by Anonymous / 01/15/2011 at 8:34pm / United States (Maryland) / Transportation

Today, I rented a copy How To Train Your Dragon for my young son to watch. I put the DVD in, hit play without paying attention, and went off to make lunch. A few minutes later, my son ran into the kitchen screaming. Apparently, there was a mix up at the rental store and I got a copy of Saw IV. FML

by Anonymous / 12/25/2010 at 6:21pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend confessed his desire to have sex while I'm on my period. He calls it "bloody victory." FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2010 at 7:39pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I was in a public washroom and I had to take a dump. I knew how dirty the toilets were, so tried to do the "stand and poo." Unfortunately, I slipped and the poo fell on the ground. Then I realized there were no paper towels. There was a line outside waiting. FML

by sweet_stufz / 11/11/2010 at 8:30am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I arrived home to find I'd been broken in to. The culprit? An obese homeless man, who I found face down, unconscious, and surrounded by muesli bar wrappers in my pantry. He broke in, ate everything in sight, soiled himself, and passed out. The worst part? The cops don't even believe me. FML

by Jen / 11/08/2010 at 10:36pm / Australia / Money

Today, I was waiting to take a dump in a gas station restroom. A 300 pound man walked out, shook his head, and said "I'm sorry" to me. FML

by mr_p / 11/01/2010 at 3:39pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend questioned why I always put my shirts in the dryer right before wearing them. I told him it was because the dryer causes my shirts to regain their form and tightness. His response: "You should throw your vagina in there along with them." FML

by FYouBoyfriend / 08/30/2010 at 1:51pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, my best friend thought it would look cool if I recorded her swinging while lying under the swing. She ended up kicking me in the face and laughing so hard she pissed on me. FML

by Anonymous / 08/14/2010 at 4:43pm / United States / Love