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sammixowlface96

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sammixowlface96

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 28 March 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 399
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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sammixowlface96's page activity

Visits<b>thisiswilli</b> - the 12/04/2013 at 5:03pm<b>SneakyCaveman</b> - the 08/19/2012 at 6:50pm

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sammixowlface96's favorite FMLs

Today, my mom thought I was flying high on weed and nearly grounded me for it. I wasn't high, I was just actually in a good mood for the first time in a few weeks. FML

#19999290
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23697) - you deserved it (1939)

On 08/02/2012 at 10:14pm - misc - by HappyMan (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML

#19509709
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26548) - you deserved it (11000)

On 04/22/2012 at 3:01am - misc - by ultraattitude - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

#19506149
427 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41964) - you deserved it (3831)

On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon

Today, while vacuuming my new apartment, I farted a few times. After my last fart, I turned to find my super-hot neighbor standing at the door. Panicking, I asked in a "I-didn't-just-fart-my-ass" tone, "Oh hi! Been standing there for long?" She replied, "Since your initial rip." FML

#19489197
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24191) - you deserved it (5891)

On 04/18/2012 at 9:43am - misc - by Fartfail (man) - Hong Kong

Today, I got home to find our house broken into. Among other things, the thieves took our television, my laptop and several pieces of expensive jewelry. Also missing was my daughter's My Little Pony collection. I think we were robbed by a Brony. FML

#19450814
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23777) - you deserved it (1872)

On 04/11/2012 at 5:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I actually used Febreze as a substitute for deodorant. FML

#19416021
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7850) - you deserved it (23691)

On 04/06/2012 at 3:24am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at a concert and a man came up behind and started to grind me. I pushed him away. He came back and pissed on my leg. FML

#19315463
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28099) - you deserved it (3207)

On 03/20/2012 at 6:27pm - misc - by Laura - United Kingdom (South Ayrshire)

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML

#19263834
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7019) - you deserved it (33225)

On 03/12/2012 at 10:55am - misc - by gengiskarn69 (man) - United States

Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML

#18974920
216 comments

Today, a coworker thought it would be funny to put a tack on my chair. When I sat down, it went directly into my butt. When I sprang up, I hit my head on a lamp. I then hit my head on my desk on the way down. FML

#18904057
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30784) - you deserved it (2685)

On 01/25/2012 at 12:03am - work - by Benjamin - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend hummed the Jeopardy theme while I was trying to undo her bra. FML

#18813229
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29522) - you deserved it (23426)

On 01/15/2012 at 7:52am - intimacy - by joeshmoe - United States (Washington)

Today, my 18-year-old son asked me if I was a virgin. I still don't know what to say to him. FML

#18626435
329 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42171) - you deserved it (8106)

On 12/27/2011 at 4:50pm - intimacy - by blegh (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML

#18565100
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21499) - you deserved it (5345)

On 12/20/2011 at 9:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML

#18198987
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36735) - you deserved it (3980)

On 11/09/2011 at 12:59am - love - by kdeeeceee - United States

Today, I learned if you dream you're having a piss, you most likely are having a piss. FML

#18163240
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38899) - you deserved it (5265)

On 11/05/2011 at 9:43am - health - by rj93 - United Kingdom (Ballymena)



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