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samiel1989

Offline (the 02/09/2015 at 3:31pm) | Search for a member

samiel1989

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 2198
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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samiel1989's page activity

Visits<b>Vanshikap</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 2:15pm<b>jizzwold</b> - the 04/23/2014 at 4:28pm<b>jarrettd</b> - the 11/04/2013 at 5:04pm<b>Tuffay</b> - the 06/03/2013 at 7:58am<b>Welshite</b> - the 05/16/2013 at 7:23pm<b>imagineit</b> - the 03/28/2013 at 10:46am<b>TwentyFourXXIV</b> - the 01/27/2013 at 8:33am<b>IAMVINCE</b> - the 01/18/2013 at 2:47pm<b>TML329</b> - the 12/24/2012 at 7:26pm

samiel1989's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of samiel1989's badges

samiel1989's favorite FMLs

Today, my cat learned the hard way what the bathtub is for. While I was in it. FML

#20560819
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31299) - you deserved it (3560)

On 03/26/2013 at 10:22am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my friend asked to borrow my new laptop to email his college professor. When he returned it, it had a virus on it, and I had to fish out two pubic hairs that were sticking out between the keys. FML

#20559514
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39177) - you deserved it (7128)

On 03/25/2013 at 2:25pm - misc - by grossed out - United Kingdom (Peterborough)

Today, my cat learned how to open doors. Ever since then she's been running up to my room, opening my door, and running away. My cat is playing ding-dong ditch. FML

#20559057
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33438) - you deserved it (4473)

On 03/25/2013 at 3:18am - animals - by Apes (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my guinea pig was resting on my shoulder. However, I forgot to tie my hair up and she gnawed off a clump of it that was a good 6 inches long. I had to fight her to get it out of her mouth. FML

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

#20558527
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31447) - you deserved it (5911)

On 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm - misc - by Anna L. - United States (Texas)

Today, the kids I babysit hid from me. While I was looking for them, I stepped on multiple strategically-placed Lego bricks. When I yelped from the pain, the kids jumped out and threw soccer balls in my face. FML

#20556944
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39130) - you deserved it (4862)

On 03/23/2013 at 7:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I finally got to meet my boyfriend's parents; it turns out that his mum is my therapist. I've just spent an entire morning telling her how confused I am about my sexuality. FML

#20553373
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46706) - you deserved it (6042)

On 03/21/2013 at 6:25am - misc - by me (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I learned that if not for my grandfather gifting my dad $200, I would have been named Anthrax. FML

#20552804
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31621) - you deserved it (2468)

On 03/20/2013 at 9:11pm - misc - by cheeseburglar_9000 (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, an attractive guy came up to me and told me that I looked sexy in a picture online. He then asked himself why he had never asked me out before. Apparently, he doesn't remember our 6-month relationship, or how it ended when he slept with my sister. FML

#20548927
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45199) - you deserved it (3278)

On 03/18/2013 at 4:28am - love - by mcds2 (woman) - United States

Today, at work, I walked in on a disoriented elderly woman eating nachos and cheese off the bathroom floor. She wasn't wearing any pants. FML

#20548521
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34253) - you deserved it (2893)

On 03/17/2013 at 11:14pm - work - by Ihatemyjob (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML

#20547294
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29491) - you deserved it (50941)

On 03/17/2013 at 5:07am - intimacy - by Cliché... or Touché? -

Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste". Gag me. FML

#20545240
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43847) - you deserved it (5376)

On 03/15/2013 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by butnotlikethat (woman) - China (Jiangxi)

Today, my boyfriend got angry and threatened to dump me, all because I wouldn't give in to his demands not to go to a birthday sleepover with my friends. He seriously thinks it's going to turn into some kind of lesbian orgy and that I'll cheat on him. Thanks, PornHub. FML

#20543365
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52208) - you deserved it (6705)

On 03/14/2013 at 11:43am - intimacy - by wow (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML

#20533607
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56099) - you deserved it (14694)

On 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by RedWaters - United States

Today, after a long work shift, I was so tired that I took a nap in my car to avoid driving half-asleep. When I awoke, there was a huge truck in front of me. I thought I'd fallen asleep while driving and was about to die. I only realized it was stationary after I pissed myself. FML

#20529430
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33627) - you deserved it (5641)

On 03/03/2013 at 12:37pm - misc - by FUCKKKS (man) - United States



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