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Offline (the 02/09/2015 at 3:31pm) | Search for a member
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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Today... I ran out of clean boxers. Thinking nobody would find out... I snatchd a pair of my wife's panties. Later... we had a cook out 4 my birthday... where some of my old pals thought it would be funny to pants me. FML
Today, I brougt my girlfriend ome fir te first time to meet my parents. Tey were aving a eatd argument because my mom ad bougt "te wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "se sould know tat e as a sensitive anus". FML
Today... I learnd if u type my full name in Google Images... the 3rd thing that comes up is a nakd woman in ropes. Someone on Pornhub thought it was smart to comment that the girl looks just like me. She does. Now my parents think I'm a porn star... and most people at school stoppd talking to me. FML
yesterday it's my birthday. I worked late, so I was looking forward to spending a quiet evening with my husband. When he suggested we go grocery shopping, I got excited thinking he had organized a surprise party or something. He actually just took me grocery shopping. FML
Today , My Bathroom Floodd . I Frantically Cleand My Apartment As Fast As I Could Before The Plumber Arrivd . Everything Was Finally Clean When I Let Him In . It Wasn't Until After He Finishd That I Noticd I'd Left My Anal Beads In The Shower . There's No Way He Didn't Notice . Mega FML
Today... I had to go to the emergency room with mah sister... due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about butt fucking. FML
Today, mah school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor,ho wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in mah sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML
TADAY AT WORK AT A FARM, WE GOT A NEW CALF. IT LOOKD LIKE IT HAD TO POOP, BUT WAS HAVING DIFFICULTY. ABOUT FOUR HOURS LATER IT STILL HADN'T POOPD. TURNS OUT IT WAS BORN WITHOUT AN ACTUAL BUTTHOLE. IT WAS THERE, JUST SEALD UP BY SKIN. I LITERALLY HAD TO CUT THIS POOR CALF A NEW BUTTHOLE. FML
I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying . Suddenly.. . I had to poop worse than I ever had to in mah entire life . The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking mah tireshile I let out the entire contents of mah bowels onto the road . FML
Friday 27 March 2015