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Today, I was at a bar with my friend, when I noticed a young lad at a table near to us. I thought it'd be funny to jeer and flick peanuts at him. I went to the restroom, only to come back to my friend face-down on the floor. Turns out the guy fucked him up instead, and now he won't talk to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4166) - you deserved it (37799)
On 09/15/2011 at 5:22pm - misc - by Cooper491 - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I brought my date home to meet my parents. We walked in the front door to find my drunken father wearing nothing but a Viking helmet, and swinging and jabbing our living room furniture with a pool noodle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22168) - you deserved it (1953)
On 09/10/2011 at 3:01pm - misc - by Hailey Antone - United States
Today, out of sheer boredom, I took a career personality test. The "best match" for me was the position of funeral director. Not only do I have a promising future with death, I got genuinely excited at how accurate the result was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14681) - you deserved it (3237)
On 09/02/2011 at 6:53pm - work - by whattalife (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on a bicycle. Everywhere I went, gangs of youths yelled stuff out at me, like "Bike twat", "Pig on wheels", "That's a girl's bike you muppet" and "Go on wanker, do a wheelie." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21982) - you deserved it (5909)
On 08/28/2011 at 6:37pm - work - by Andrew - Ireland (Dublin)
Today, I was in a public toilet when a guy kicks the door in and shoves a police badge in my face, screaming for me to tell him "the path of Lemmiwinks". After a whole minute of me shitting my balls off, he bursts into laughter and tells me I've been pranked. I was too embarrassed to report him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22481) - you deserved it (3167)
On 08/19/2011 at 8:23pm - misc - by shitless88 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my 3 year old son's tricycle was stolen. I looked up the street and saw a neighbour's kid riding it. I marched up, gently lifted him off it, gave him a stern lecture about stealing and brought the tricycle back home. The cops then showed up. Apparently, the kid has an identical tricycle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10259) - you deserved it (29378)
On 08/15/2011 at 3:14pm - kids - by ollie179 - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)
Today, after pulling an all-nighter, I fell asleep at the beach. My friends took the opportunity to bury me in the sand, place food all around me, and wait for a flock of hungry seagulls to attack me. To top it off, they taped it all. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23726) - you deserved it (5127)
On 08/13/2011 at 3:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)
Today, while stuck in traffic on the highway, my 5 year old in the back seat asked me why the man in the car next to us was pulling on the other man's "peepee". FML
I agree, your life sucks (36134) - you deserved it (1906)
On 08/04/2011 at 12:04am - intimacy - by whatnot - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my little brother came into my room and hit me over the head with his baseball bat. He then dropped the bat onto my floor and ran crying into my mother's room proclaiming I stole his bat and beat him with it for fun. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29251) - you deserved it (2358)
On 07/30/2011 at 1:15am - kids - by NaomiMadison - United States
Today, someone had the unique opportunity to be able to say to me, "Excuse me, your pants are on fire." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20983) - you deserved it (3991)
On 07/26/2011 at 5:22pm - health - by smokin (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15087) - you deserved it (1778)
On 07/26/2011 at 10:05am - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom
Today, in front of family and friends, as I got down on one knee, my girlfriend fainted. Her father, a lawyer, rushed over and said, "Anything she says for the next 72 hours is not legally binding" and whisked her away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32393) - you deserved it (2007)
On 07/17/2011 at 8:34am - love - by bigjohn106 - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was so hungover, I started yelling at inanimate objects. My mom walked in on me calling my cereal a "worthless piece of shit sent from the bowels of Hell." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8408) - you deserved it (38249)
On 07/02/2011 at 4:54pm - misc - by Cowgirl_Up37 (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I went to my high school reunion. I was super excited to see what everyone had done in their lives. The nerdy guy I bullied is now a U.S. Marine and already has two deployments in Afghanistan under his belt. He looked at me in his dress blues and said, "I remember you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7465) - you deserved it (82676)
On 06/05/2011 at 8:52pm - misc - by kringr (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my mom looked through my browser history and saw Chatroulette. She thought I'd gotten into online gambling, and wouldn't believe me when I explained what it really was. After I insisted on showing her, the first chat window to open contained cocks as far as the eye could see. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18074) - you deserved it (27816)
On 06/03/2011 at 8:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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