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Today, my mom took me to dinner. She told me about an argument that she and her boyfriend had, and she showed me the texts. While reading, I learned that she smells his dick before sucking it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23715) - you deserved it (2224)
On 06/19/2012 at 6:16pm - intimacy - by lisahb - United States (Michigan)
Today, after a very painful mouth surgery, I went home to take a nap. Then my nose started bleeding, so I stuck a tissue in it and fell asleep. When I woke up, I was so high from painkillers that when I saw the tissue, I thought it was a ghost. I screamed so loud I burst a stitch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24370) - you deserved it (3291)
On 06/07/2012 at 2:12pm - health - by LaurenB (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I was operating on a young girl, when she began to awake during the surgery. We quickly put her back under, of course, but now I'm terrified that she'll remember my profuse cursing and get me in the shit with my curmudgeonly killjoy of a boss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15367) - you deserved it (7352)
On 06/03/2012 at 4:27pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I went to visit my husband's grave. I was unable to mourn in peace because some teenagers were smoking pot and talking about a government conspiracy "to change the way gravity works" on the next grave over. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26963) - you deserved it (1296)
On 05/28/2012 at 10:51pm - misc - by notnicefools - United States (California)
Today, I was to give a presentation to several of my company's senior employees. The moment I stood up, I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart that lasted a good two or three seconds. When I tried to utter an apology, I clammed up and let out a whiny grunt. They were not amused. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15878) - you deserved it (3160)
On 05/23/2012 at 4:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, I accidentally adopted a dolphin for $125. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8438) - you deserved it (21829)
On 05/02/2012 at 10:39pm - money - by Optimus_Prime97 - United States
Today, at a concert, I got into a fight with a man in a banana suit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7393) - you deserved it (11220)
On 04/29/2012 at 5:45am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, the imperial fist of spring allergies knocked me flat on my ass. The time I was going to spend at the outdoor concert I paid $80 for was instead spent in my car, driving back home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12469) - you deserved it (1632)
On 04/28/2012 at 6:44pm - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I discovered something more dangerous than drivers who text: drivers who break your car windows with a bat while stopped at a red light. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16737) - you deserved it (1182)
On 04/22/2012 at 11:00pm - misc - by AngryLittleMan - United States
Today, I tried to put together some flat-pack furniture. I wound up in my underpants, screaming stuff like, "Fuck you, fucking Ikea bastard" at pieces of confusing plywood. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7280) - you deserved it (14401)
On 04/18/2012 at 3:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24477) - you deserved it (1904)
On 04/17/2012 at 5:38am - health - by SeeingLlamas (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I tried to be kind to animals and get my dad to buy cage-free eggs. When I told him it was dollar more, he started yelling and making a scene in the middle of the store, saying that chickens are ugly and they deserve to suffer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18834) - you deserved it (4248)
On 04/14/2012 at 11:46pm - misc - by ilovechickens - United States
Today, I got whiplash from sneezing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12678) - you deserved it (1781)
On 04/11/2012 at 3:04am - health - by kissrocks4 - United States (California)
Today, the war against the pigeons on my veranda reached a new level. To try and get them to clear off, I gave my window pane a short, sharp knock. It broke into several shards, and not one of the totally oblivious birds moved. Pigeons 1, Me 0. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13956) - you deserved it (3531) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 04/03/2012 at 12:41am - misc - by Kilimanjaro (woman) - France
Today, I dislocated my elbow chasing my cat around the hardwood floors of my house in knee-high socks and wiping out going around a corner. The doctors suggested that I not tell people how it happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8071) - you deserved it (10802)
On 03/28/2012 at 8:00am - health - by hikari_chan_xo - United States (Michigan)
Monday 20 May 2013
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