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Today, my brother broke his mountain bike, so he stole mine, and managed to break it as well. Then he made some kind of franken-bike out of parts from both, and messed that one up too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33507) - you deserved it (2722)
On 05/19/2013 at 3:56pm - misc - by jfc, how just how (man) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)
Today, I was in a big Skype chat, which somehow turned into a heated argument. My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42466) - you deserved it (11271)
On 05/17/2013 at 5:16pm - health - by -1 friend (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my dad walked in on me lying down with my cat, eating ice cream, watching The Notebook with tears in my eyes. As if that's not bad enough, I'm a guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41508) - you deserved it (15984)
On 05/12/2013 at 5:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I happily told my parents that my boyfriend proposed to me last night. My dad's response? "Marry that goofy bastard and you're out of the will." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45472) - you deserved it (4297)
On 05/10/2013 at 7:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Switzerland (Sankt Gallen)
Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML
I agree, your life sucks (44043) - you deserved it (6068)
On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)
Today, the neighbors in the next apartment reported me to the police for screaming at my newborn to "shut the hell up" every time he cries. I would never yell at my baby. My asshole of a dog on the other hand barks at everything, which terrifies the baby, causing him to cry. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35378) - you deserved it (4382)
On 05/01/2013 at 7:22pm - animals - by Annonymous_Dad (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47750) - you deserved it (3285)
On 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, a family of geese nested outside my halls of residence. They have started attacking everyone who tries to get in or out of the building. I'm basically being placed under house arrest by birds. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36857) - you deserved it (2866)
On 04/29/2013 at 12:14pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (York)
Today, I summoned the courage to call my abusive mother-in-law about her non-payment of the money I stupidly lent her last year. She replied, "Why don't you go deepthroat a cactus, then we'll talk about it, cunt." and then hung up on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46803) - you deserved it (5756)
On 04/28/2013 at 4:44pm - money - by a tad whipped (man) - Australia
Today, I saw a woman in the neighbouring apartment taking a shower without pulling the blinds of her bathroom window. As a good Samaritan, I waved my arms to attract her attention that she forgot the blinds. She noticed me, opened the window, did a weird boob dance and middle fingered me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35671) - you deserved it (12259)
On 04/21/2013 at 10:56pm - misc - by Magicali (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, in my job as an assistant at a music venue, I had to get posters signed by that night's performer. When I walked into the dressing room, I was told, "unless you're sucking my cock then get the fuck out of here" and had the posters slapped out of my hands. It's my job to deal with these pricks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29523) - you deserved it (2272)
On 04/02/2013 at 9:26pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, while on the way to Florida for spring break, I pointed out to my mom a bright blue car in the rear-view mirror. As the car overtook us, we both got a horrifyingly detailed view of the driver jerking off her passenger. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30141) - you deserved it (2801)
On 03/29/2013 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my cat learned how to open doors. Ever since then she's been running up to my room, opening my door, and running away. My cat is playing ding-dong ditch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27085) - you deserved it (3072)
On 03/25/2013 at 3:18am - animals - by Apes (woman) - United States (California)
Today, four days after our fridge-freezer broke down, my husband staggered home with three bags of ham. He drunkenly bought it with most of what little money we have, so now not only is our food budget gone, we also have a metric cunt-load of ham, and nowhere to store it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25636) - you deserved it (2646)
Today, due to plumbing issues, I had to choose between a goosebump-inducing cold or skin-blistering hot shower. This is the 7th day in a row. My husband says it shouldn't be more than another week before he "gets it figured out". FML
I agree, your life sucks (21036) - you deserved it (1889)
On 03/03/2013 at 12:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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