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ryttis's FML badges
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ryttis's favorite FMLs
by parkoursam / 03/10/2015 at 12:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, my mom and I went to exchange a massive stuffed animal, which was meant for my niece. I was carrying it when I saw a really hot guy looking at me funny. My mom snickered and told him that I never go anywhere without "George". FML
by thanks a lot mom / 12/28/2014 at 1:52am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, on a first date with a guy, I spilled ice cream all over my pants. He bought me some more, and as I was thanking him, he said, "You've never had a guy treat you right, have you?" I said no and started crying. FML
by Soulara89 / 12/22/2014 at 8:28pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I asked out the girl of my dreams. She was so excited that she had a severe asthma attack and ended up in hospital. Her answer was yes, but her parents won't let me anywhere near her now. They say I'm lucky they haven't sued me for "trying to kill her". FML
by Anonymous / 12/06/2014 at 7:56pm / United Kingdom / Love
Today, I thought it would be cute to put on a Santa hat and ask my crush what he wanted for Christmas. He said "A girlfriend." I took off my Santa hat and yelled "Ta-da!" He added, "An ATTRACTIVE girlfriend." FML
by Anonymous / 11/29/2014 at 11:28am / United States (Oregon) / Love
by weirdthingtosay / 11/21/2014 at 4:56am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by UnchainedGaruda / 11/17/2014 at 10:29am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML
by Anonymous / 10/25/2014 at 2:44pm / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/05/2014 at 11:47am / United States (Virginia) / Love
by whotouchedyou1 / 08/25/2014 at 10:37pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, my boyfriend reckoned that he has a better sleep when he falls asleep with his hand on either my boobs or my ass. I kind of just laughed it off. I later discovered he's 100% correct when he put his hand on my butt, and not five minutes later was snoring. FML
by and the truth comes out / 07/22/2014 at 4:44am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
by boob sisters / 07/02/2014 at 1:01pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by possibly fucked / 06/22/2014 at 4:34pm / Portugal (Lisboa) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/13/2014 at 5:27am / United States (California) / Love
by MiserableMan / 06/10/2014 at 12:02am / Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh) / Love
- Today, I had a testicular ultrasound. The ultrasound tech was a very attractive woman. This is the… Today, my boyfriend tried to tell me that he was worried our child might not be mine because he was… Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead.…
- Today, I play softball and we use eye black because it helps block out the glare. I sat down at my… Today, as a freelancing musician, I had to pass on the best gig I've ever been offered (worth over… Today, I met the man of my dreams. Hot, funny, smart, sensitive, he guesses at what I need before I…