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rocketturtle98

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rocketturtle98

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 8 November 1984 (29 years)
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 465
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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rocketturtle98's page activity

Visits<b>Miss_Lisaa</b> - the 01/10/2013 at 5:22pm<b>GothickNihilist</b> - the 12/24/2012 at 11:59pm

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rocketturtle98's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML

#6433881
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38756) - you deserved it (2950)

On 11/24/2009 at 6:44am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I got a free temporary tattoo of a scorpion in a packet of potato chips and decided to wear it on my wrist. Whilst I was in the shower, I got a shock, thinking it was a spider. I then lost balance and slipped, banging my head on the faucet. FML

#6050280
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9718) - you deserved it (38324)

On 10/29/2009 at 1:15am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

#5828114
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (87628) - you deserved it (14646)

On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking out of class when I saw a girl enthusiastically run to her boyfriend, jump on him, and smother him with kisses. I thought to myself "I wish my girlfriend did that." When the girl jumped off and turned around I realized she did, just not to me. FML

#5689238
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53263) - you deserved it (2552)

On 10/06/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by zitroskies (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at work and my mother texted me. The text read, "You take a nice picture." To which I responded, "what picture?" I then got a reply saying, "The one on your speeding ticket showing you going 73 in a 55 mph zone. You are even smiling." FML

#5337998
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8757) - you deserved it (40424)

On 09/18/2009 at 7:28pm - misc - by asdfas (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was taking a serious shit when the light bulb burned out. I am terrified of the dark and began wailing and crying. My mom had to pick the lock and get me out. I'm a 17 year old guy and captain of the Varsity football team. My little brother recorded it and plans on showing everyone. FML

#4350390
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23295) - you deserved it (59386)

On 08/07/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by scaredshitless (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent causing the girl to scream and runaway. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML

#2729024
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70101) - you deserved it (8419)

On 06/08/2009 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by Baggabbles123 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!". FML

#2045344
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68126) - you deserved it (7707)

On 05/18/2009 at 8:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, I was on a bike ride when a bug flew into my eye. Not wanting to stop, I figured I would just keep that eye closed until I could cry it out. Five seconds later, a bug flew into my other eye. FML

#2003683
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50997) - you deserved it (7869)

On 05/17/2009 at 1:17am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

#1617373
512 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98878) - you deserved it (269461)

On 05/04/2009 at 2:12am - love - by Iman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was getting onto an airplane and happened to admire the stewardess. I was walking onto the plane and was just about to talk to her when my foot slipped into the crack between the boarding ramp and the plane. Not only did she laugh as I limped to my seat but now I have bruised nuts. FML

#1284162
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38168) - you deserved it (9562)

On 04/24/2009 at 5:37am - misc - by balancestrikesagain (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

#560138
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (97768) - you deserved it (30254)

On 03/23/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by SLA (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my crush and I were hooking up and as he slipped his hands up my shirt in order to "feel me up" he started rubbing around my whole torso. When I asked him what he was doing he replied "well I was looking for your boobs but apparently you have none" FML

#544318
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94333) - you deserved it (8205)

On 03/22/2009 at 11:18pm - intimacy - by tinytitty (woman) - United States (New York)



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