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rivaraven's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 11/30/2009 at 4:35pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend of almost a year, and to whom I intended to propose on Thanksgiving, dumped me because her husband will be returning from Iraq soon. And he wants to have a "talk" with me. I didn't know she was married. FML
by blasted / 11/25/2009 at 8:56am / United States (Tennessee) / Love
Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML
by Anonymous / 11/24/2009 at 6:44am / United States (Alabama) / Health
Today, I got wasted at a party and went out to my car to get something. I went back to the house and realized I got locked out. After knocking on the door, ringing the doorbell, and shouting "LET ME INNNN" my friend called and asked where I was. That's when I realized I was at the wrong house. FML
by Abby / 11/10/2009 at 7:10pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by munchkin / 10/26/2009 at 2:35am / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up very hung over after a big party last night. As I walked into my kitchen to make something to eat, I noticed a weird smell. Turns out my friend had thrown up in my freezer, and then turned off my whole fridge so "it wouldn't freeze and be hard for me to clean up in the morning." FML
by Pimp53X / 10/14/2009 at 9:16pm / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Miscellaneous
by oxjessiiox / 10/11/2009 at 11:42am / United Kingdom (Leicestershire) / Miscellaneous
by ripfluffy / 09/28/2009 at 3:15am / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML
by WOCOACH / 09/09/2009 at 3:33pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I was sitting with my boyfriend watching the Super Nanny. He watches the show regularly and said he has learned some of her techniques. Apparently, he uses them on me when I'm acting irrational. FML
by Anonymous / 09/08/2009 at 10:04am / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML
by shoelace18 / 09/06/2009 at 12:19am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I left for college. I spent hundreds of dollars on clothes, bedding and other things. After packing my entire closet and everything else I needed, I left only to have to head back home. My dad forgot to pay the first semesters tuition. He said "Oh well, you would have failed out anyway." FML
by Anonymous / 08/28/2009 at 8:59pm / United States (New York) / Money
Today, I discovered that my parents rooted through our house looking for junk to sell at a garage sale. They sold all of my books from my bookshelf. When I freaked, out my mom said 'well you never read them'. There was about $300 hidden between the pages of those books. They made $60. FML
by gonebabygone / 08/27/2009 at 2:58am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a local chinese restaurant with two of my friends. We were laughing hysterically when my friend tells me to stop making her laugh because she was going to puke, naturally I kept egging it on. She puked all over the table and I was laughing so hard that I peed my pants. FML
by Anonymous / 08/20/2009 at 1:30am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/10/2009 at 12:31pm / United States (Virginia) / Love