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rivaraven's favorite FMLs
by uetlqdja / 05/21/2011 at 11:31am / United States (Texas) / Love
by Unlovedchild / 03/21/2011 at 11:03am / Miscellaneous
Today, I put signs up in the lifts at work with my name and desk phone number as the contact in case the lifts break down. I work in IT so there are hundreds of men in the building. Someone has already drawn a very wonky heart next to my name. FML
by Peppermint / 03/17/2011 at 6:00am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Work
Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be cool, I told my wife to get out of the living room and back in the kitchen. I felt smug, right up until she said, "Why? Your mom doesn't need to be turned over for another 20 minutes, dick." FML
by :/ / 02/20/2011 at 1:44pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, after 2 years together, my boyfriend finally proposed. I excitedly said yes. Just as we began to kiss, my half crazed cat ran in, dropped a half eaten bird at our feet, and promptly threw up on the carpet. FML
by birdguts / 01/30/2011 at 9:34pm / United Kingdom / Animals
Today, I was running late for school because I had a huge stomach ache. To save on time, I took a taxi. When the taxi driver hit a bump, I lost control of my bowels and shit myself. Not only do I have to wash my underwear in the sink at school now, but I had to pay the driver extra to remove the smell from his car. FML
by Username / 01/27/2011 at 12:40pm / Romania (Ilfov) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend decided it would be fun to sit on my lap. In the process he landed on me so hard that he made me hit my head. Then when he turned around his elbow smacked into my nose causing it to break. FML
by dinosaur / 01/10/2011 at 5:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
by Anonymous / 01/09/2011 at 9:35pm / United States (Louisiana) / Health
Today, my boyfriend decided that he needed some time alone for a few weeks. This break just so happens to include our one year anniversary, Christmas, New Year's, and my birthday. Now I get to spend the next three weeks alone. FML
by Anonymous / 12/18/2010 at 6:10pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/13/2010 at 2:14am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was waiting for a friend to pick me up. It was after dark and I was nervous, so when he pulled up I immediately jumped in the car. The young girl in the driver's seat started freaking out, screaming and punching me in the face repeatedly. I'd accidentally gotten in the wrong car. FML
by blackandblue / 11/02/2010 at 12:26pm / United States / Transportation
by Anonymous / 09/18/2010 at 8:36pm / Austria (Tirol) / Money
Today, my daughter asked for a dollar to buy ice cream from the ice cream truck while I was on my computer working. Out of my wallet she took a fifty dollar bill. The ice cream man got a big tip before driving off. FML
by BrokebyKids / 09/06/2010 at 4:26pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, while I was running in a cross country meet, a bug flew into my right eye. Then, a bug flew into my left eye. Not wanting to lose a neck-and-neck sprint, I tried to run blind. I hit a pole. FML
by ow / 09/04/2010 at 7:43pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous