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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, two of my girlfriends and I went to a bar. The only action any of us got was a 50 year old man who came up and handed us "An origami vagina for the pretty ladies." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39231) - you deserved it (4514)
On 05/31/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by ailat0107 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I went to Macy's to buy some bras. After I paid, the old lady cashier noticed there was pen on one of the bras. By accident I blurted out "It's alright. No one's seeing them." The old lady nodded back in agreement. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35331) - you deserved it (8859)
On 05/31/2009 at 9:04am - misc - by yikes78 - United States (New Jersey)
Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are supposed to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here. FML." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18270) - you deserved it (58263)
On 05/31/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by deucelututi - United States (New York)
Today, I was watching Harry Potter. When all the students at Hogwarts started to clap at one point, I started clapping myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17791) - you deserved it (45243)
On 05/30/2009 at 7:48pm - misc - by whoahshloann (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (44116) - you deserved it (5755)
On 05/30/2009 at 7:22pm - misc - by satanlovesme (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I went to a barbecue and noticed a girl that I had be interested in. When I walked up to ask how she was doing I noticed she had some BBQ sauce on her face. Jokingly I licked my thumb and reach to remove it. It turned out to be a scab from a pimple she had popped earlier. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13679) - you deserved it (40854)
On 05/30/2009 at 12:19pm - misc - by eayers2689 (man) - United States (Arkansas)
Today, I turned 30 years old. My dad, the only living relative I have, gave me a call. Not to wish me a happy birthday, but to tell me about "a hot piece of ass" he nailed at the senior center last night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46505) - you deserved it (1875)
On 05/30/2009 at 11:18am - misc - by willieboom (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML
I agree, your life sucks (48859) - you deserved it (15144)
On 05/30/2009 at 10:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I went to Cheese Cake Factory for dinner. There was this hot waiter who kept passing by. He saw me looking at him and I knew I had to say something. So when he approached my table I asked, "Excuse me, do you have any salt ?" and he said, "I think it's right there on the table." FML
I agree, your life sucks (5636) - you deserved it (47338)
On 05/30/2009 at 2:42am - misc - by getmoneyab (woman) - Mexico (Baja California)
Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41597) - you deserved it (3078)
On 05/30/2009 at 1:04am - animals - by mraow123 (man) - United States
Today, my grandparents were staying over my house for a couple of nights. As I was walking to my bathroom in the middle of the night, I noticed their door was open, and my grandfather was awake. I tried to say 'Hi' to him, but he didn't hear me. I then noticed that he was masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52802) - you deserved it (3806)
On 05/30/2009 at 12:36am - intimacy - by ima_krackerr (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I had to take a serious piss. I started urinating and leaned back slightly on my heels. Somehow I lost my balance and fell backward, hitting my head on the wall behind me and spraying myself and my entire bathroom with my own pee. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13951) - you deserved it (30878)
On 05/29/2009 at 8:10pm - misc - by pissingcontest (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my boyfriend of two years asked me to marry him so that we can consolidate our student loans. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45363) - you deserved it (2551)
On 05/28/2009 at 3:51pm - love - by loserface23 (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I had a job interview. I had to drop my daughter off with my babysitter first. When I got to the interview I got a weird look from the vice president of the company. I had lime green poop running down the side of my white blouse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42066) - you deserved it (960)
On 05/27/2009 at 2:15pm - kids - by boo (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14619) - you deserved it (49291)
On 05/27/2009 at 5:45am - intimacy - by arctic1 (man) - United States (Alaska)
Monday 20 May 2013
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