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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52617) - you deserved it (19746)
On 06/03/2009 at 2:06am - intimacy - by galen (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was on the phone with my best guy friend, who I have loved for years. I was talking about school and all of a sudden he said "I love you." I flipped out saying "Oh my god, oh my god. I love you, too!" He responded with "what?" He was talking to his mom, who was walking out the door. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55810) - you deserved it (14109)
On 06/02/2009 at 4:51pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54040) - you deserved it (4263)
On 06/02/2009 at 3:10pm - misc - by Higgs (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I got an "Enlarge your penis" email for the millionth time. I was about to dismiss it when I saw the FW: from my wife. FML
I agree, your life sucks (76292) - you deserved it (5455)
On 06/02/2009 at 8:19am - intimacy - by Ariel (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)
Today, my boyfriend and parents went out to dinner. As we started the meal, my boyfriend proposed and the restaurant burst into applause. My mother said without hesitation and a large scowl, "If you say yes, I'm leaving." FML
I agree, your life sucks (75178) - you deserved it (2657)
On 06/02/2009 at 8:06am - love - by ThanksMom (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I went to a bar with some buddies, and after trying to pick up a few girls, one of my friends got a number. When I heard the number I said 'Sorry man, that's definitely the rejection hotline number'. So many girls have given me that number, I memorized it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45546) - you deserved it (4612)
On 06/02/2009 at 1:41am - love - by toobad (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was getting it on with my cute guy friend in his candlelit bedroom and we had just started tearing each other's clothes off. I decided to be coy and sexy and flip my hair to the side. As I did so, my long hair caught in the flames of his lit candles and caught half of my head on fire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49311) - you deserved it (24625)
On 06/01/2009 at 9:20pm - intimacy - by Bawo (woman) - United States (Utah)
Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML
I agree, your life sucks (31299) - you deserved it (49264)
On 06/01/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Cail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, there was a parents bike race on the track at my high school for a fundraiser. My dad entered, and ended up winning. He did his victory dance with a massive erection showing through his spandex. Just about all of my friends, teachers, other parents, and the hot soccer team saw. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53372) - you deserved it (2613)
On 06/01/2009 at 3:13pm - intimacy - by biker2012 (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I met my boyfriend in Hong Kong after being apart for almost 6 months. We got to our room and got right down to business. I was just about to come when a voice came over the PA system in the room. "This is just a fire alarm test, sorry for any inconvenience." FML
I agree, your life sucks (43737) - you deserved it (4222)
On 06/01/2009 at 3:06am - intimacy - by frustrated (woman) - Hong Kong
Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling in bed talking about our future wedding coming up. He leaned over seductively to tell me he got a present for me to ‘use’ on our wedding day. It was a pack of breath mints. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35241) - you deserved it (7844)
On 06/01/2009 at 1:55am - love - by thanksbaby (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I called the number a guy had given me at a bar last night. I got the Soulja Boy Hotline. Now every few hours I get messages on my phone like 'Good morning! Jump on up and get yo swag on, this is Soulja Boy!' and I can't seem to get it to stop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42219) - you deserved it (5988)
On 05/31/2009 at 10:05pm - love - by rain (man) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, I thought I would make my first trip to the beach. While in the water, I was stung by a jellyfish. My friend had to pee on me. I went back into the water to wash the pee off and got stung by another jellyfish. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54642) - you deserved it (7346)
On 05/31/2009 at 1:38pm - misc - by Heather (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my husband of ten years was playing the Sims. I asked him about the house he built. Apparently, it was his dream house, and he recreated himself as a Sim so he could live in it. Then I asked him where the wife was. There was no wife. It was his happy place. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42224) - you deserved it (7485)
On 05/31/2009 at 1:36pm - misc - by Anonymous - Poland (Katowice)
Today, I had a pretty big erection while getting checked out at the airport. The security guard was scanning my potentially "dangerous" erection for at least one long minute in front of my wife, kids, and 20 people behind me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41535) - you deserved it (8875)
On 05/31/2009 at 1:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Monday 20 May 2013
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