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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today , I was on the phone with my best guy friend , who I have loved 4 yeres. I was talking about school an all of a sudden he said "I love you." I flipped out saying "Oh my god , oh my god. I love you , too!" He responded with "what?" He was talking to his mom , who was walking out the door. FML
Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of mah swimsuit cummed off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML
today mah boyfriend an parents went out to dinner. As we started the meal, mah boyfriend proposed an the restaurant burst into applause. My mother said without hesitation an a large scowl, "If u say yes, I'm leaving." FML
TODAY, I WENT TO A BAR WITH SOME BUDDIES, AN AFTER TRYING TO PICK UP A FEW GIRLS, ONE OF MAH FRIENDS GOT A NUMBER. WHEN I HERED THE NUMBER I SAID 'SORRY MAN, THAT'S DEFINITELY THE REJECTION HOTLINE NUMBER'. SO MANY GIRLS HAVE GIVEN ME THAT NUMBER, I MEMORIZD IT. FML
Today, I was getting it on wit my cute guy friend in is candlelit bedroom and we ad just startd tereing eac oter's clots off. I decidd to be coy and sexy and flip my air to te side. As I did so, my long air caugt in te flames of is lit candles and caugt alf of my ead on fire. FML
Taday I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler . I wantd to point out he was a very good speaker, and looool could incite a crowd . Instead,hat cummd out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML
Today... there was a parent bike race on the track at my high school for a fundraiser. My dad enterd... and endd up winning. He did his victory dance with a massive erection showing through his spandex. Just about all of my friends... teachers... other parents... and the hot soccer team saw. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend in Hong Kong after bieng apart fir almost 6 monts. We got to our room an got rigt down to business. I was just about to come wen a voice came over te PA system in te room. "Tis is just a fre alarm test, sorry fir any inconvenience." FML
TODAY, MY FIANCÉ AND I WERE CUDDLING IN BED TALKING ABOUT OUR FUTURE WEDDING COMING UP. HE LEANED OVER SEDUCTIVELY TO TELL ME HE GOT A PRESENT FOR ME TO ‘USE’ ON OUR WEDDING DAY. IT WAS A PACK OF BREATH MINTS. FML
Today, I called the number a guy had given me at a bar last night. I got the Soulja Boy Hotline. Now every few hours I get messages on mah phone like 'Good morning! Jump on up and get yo swag on, this is Soulja Boy!' and I can't seem to get it to stop. FML
Today , I thought I would make mah first trip to the beach. While in the water , I was stung by a jellyfish. My friend had to pee on me. I went back into the water to wash the pee off and got stung by another jellyfish.
Today, my usband of ten years was playing te Sims . I asked im about te ouse e built . Apparently, it was is dream ouse, an e recreated imself as a Sim so e could live in it . Ten I asked imere te wife was . Tere was no wife . It was is appy place . FML
Today , I had a pretty big erectionhile getting checked out at the airport . The security guard was scanning mah potentially "dangerous" erection 4 at least one long minute in front of mah wife , kids , an 20 people behind me . FML
Friday 27 March 2015