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rickster1000

Offline (the 08/18/2014 at 3:08am) | Search for a member

rickster1000

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rickster1000's favorite FMLs

Today, I ran out of clean boxers. Thinking nobody would find out, I snatched a pair of my wife's panties. Later, we had a cook out for my birthday, where some of my old pals thought it would be funny to pants me. FML

#20721670
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37288) - you deserved it (67739)

On 06/12/2013 at 2:39pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, at my wedding, the minister forgot to skip the "does anyone object?" part. My mother stood up and gave a lengthy reason, which caused my future in-laws to start shouting. It turned into a small riot, and no, we're not married now. FML

#20721430
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63941) - you deserved it (3434)

On 06/12/2013 at 12:27pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my friend told me he had just robbed a bank and needed a place to hide. Thinking he was joking, I let him in so we could hang out. 15 minutes later, the cops storm into my apartment. Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke. FML

#20718656
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57621) - you deserved it (15909)

On 06/10/2013 at 11:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML

#20715175
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56960) - you deserved it (9861)

On 06/09/2013 at 10:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my wife decided to check her email, while I was still inside her. FML

#20714723
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59905) - you deserved it (11856)

On 06/09/2013 at 1:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML

#20713183
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60816) - you deserved it (13798)

On 06/08/2013 at 6:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, my sister and I were having a slumber party in my room since my parents left on a trip. They left my grandparents here to watch us. It was past bed time and we started hearing some strange noises through my floor. We thought it was the radio. Turns out my grandma is a screamer. FML

Today, my band and I played at our first ever real gig. Our drummer turned up high out of his damn mind. After ruining our act with his godawful performance, he screamed "HELL YEAH!" then ran and dove off the stage into a nearly non-existent audience. We were told to never come back. FML

#20711923
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47185) - you deserved it (4986)

On 06/07/2013 at 3:32pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

#20711208
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54975) - you deserved it (64089)

On 06/07/2013 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I could no longer handle the drum music in the apartment below me so I went to kindly ask the little old lady to shut it off before she goes to bed. Her neighbor came out while I knocked to tell me she is out of town and the music is constant so her cats don't get lonely. FML

Today, my boyfriend of six days proposed to me. FML

#20708141
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80492) - you deserved it (11140)

On 06/05/2013 at 7:11pm - love - by The Clitshank Redemption (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I let my step-father know exactly what I thought of him. After a few moments of awkward silence, he leaned towards me and quietly whispered, "Well you're adopted. Your parents never loved you." FML

#20707377
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53189) - you deserved it (13248)

On 06/05/2013 at 11:24am - misc - by SkeetinKeaton (man) - United States

Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML

#20705435
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32390) - you deserved it (47532)

On 06/04/2013 at 1:15pm - health - by poisonivyretard (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, while sexting my girlfriend, I accidently sent a picture to her father instead of her. He sent back a link to a penis enlargement company's website. FML

#20705129
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30763) - you deserved it (65479)

On 06/04/2013 at 8:15am - misc - by tinypenis - United States (New York)

Today, my brother looked me dead in the eyes and said his life goal is to find a way to jizz on everyone in the world. I'm scared. FML

#20703677
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55488) - you deserved it (5022)

On 06/03/2013 at 4:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Poland (Kujawsko-Pomorskie)



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