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rickster1000

Offline (the 10/30/2014 at 6:27am) | Search for a member

rickster1000

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rickster1000's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to go to the police station after my son got arrested for shoplifting 15 packs of gum. He got away with it at first, but got busted when he tried to return it all because he "didn't like the flavor". FML

#21170087
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49382) - you deserved it (8227)

On 06/10/2014 at 8:39pm - kids - by idiotson - United States (New York)

Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML

#21168837
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45866) - you deserved it (8574)

On 06/09/2014 at 10:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I clogged the only toilet at work. Thinking I could escape and blame someone else, I opened the door, only to see a line of people waiting outside. FML

#21168163
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43551) - you deserved it (15667)

On 06/09/2014 at 12:28pm - work - by deservedly - Canada (Alberta)

Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML

#21167190
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56779) - you deserved it (6845)

On 06/08/2014 at 2:32pm - misc - by 404: sense not found (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML

#21166563
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43164) - you deserved it (6109)

On 06/07/2014 at 10:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was playing some soccer with my buddies, when a kid came over, yelled "CUP CHECK!" and nailed me in the nuts then ran away laughing. Millions of my unborn children died in agony. All his fatass mom did was chuckle nervously and pat her satan-spawn on the head. FML

#21166299
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48052) - you deserved it (4883)

On 06/07/2014 at 5:16pm - health - by wish his dad had worn one (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my leg. My dad helped me to the car so he could drive me to the hospital, but when he saw our neighbor, he went over and had a 15 minute screaming match with him over how his dog keeps shitting on our lawn, all while I sat in the car in agony. FML

#21165275
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48531) - you deserved it (3952)

On 06/06/2014 at 7:09pm - health - by wo-ow (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my students turned in their male figure artwork. One absolute idiot had the smart idea of drawing me and the TA as some kind of gay lovers. I was torn between disgust at the explicitness, anger at the disrespect, and yet awe at how well-drawn it was. FML

#21165062
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42706) - you deserved it (6215)

On 06/06/2014 at 3:00pm - work - by confusing (man) - Zimbabwe

Today, I babysat the brattiest and most foul-mouthed 8-year-old I've ever met. After I survived three hours of it, his parents finally came home. He claimed I'd invited a boy over and that we did "stuff" on the couch all evening. They believed him. I didn't get paid, to say the least. FML

#21164043
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52871) - you deserved it (3846)

On 06/05/2014 at 4:05pm - kids - by bastards (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, an older gentleman came into my work for underwear. I helped him find his size, pulled out a pair of navy ones and he then turned to me and said, "I don't want dark colours because I can't tell if I've shit myself." He then continued looking for all the white pairs. FML

#21163612
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41235) - you deserved it (4321)

On 06/05/2014 at 4:11am - work - by unashamed - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I clogged my girlfriend's toilet, so being a gentleman, I tried to rectify the situation. I plunged the holy fuck out of that damned toilet, only for her to accuse me of jacking off because I was taking so long. When she stormed in and the smell hit her, she called me a pig. I just can't win. FML

#21159437
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47359) - you deserved it (5003)

On 06/01/2014 at 2:34pm - misc - by shart up, your puns suck (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I walked in on my 15 year old daughter and her boyfriend. They were standing in my bathroom, both naked from the waist down. Supposedly, he was trying to "teach her how to pee standing up." FML

#21159254
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60071) - you deserved it (8481)

On 06/01/2014 at 11:51am - intimacy - by help me - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was hit in the face by the placenta of a cow that had just given birth. FML

#21158688
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46721) - you deserved it (5189)

On 05/31/2014 at 9:53pm - animals - by disturbed - Ireland

Today, my son got in serious trouble after he was caught trying to sell weed to people in the street. The good news is that the "weed" was just actual weeds he'd pulled from our lawn. The bad news is that at age 16, my son is too stupid to know the difference. FML

#21158441
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50999) - you deserved it (7151)

On 05/31/2014 at 5:30pm - kids - by idiot says "you raised him" (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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