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rickster1000

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rickster1000
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  • Number of visits : 3379
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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rickster1000's favorite FMLs

Today, my friends hired a male stripper to give me a lap dance for my birthday. It was all pretty nice until he let rip one of the most nauseating farts I've ever encountered, right in my face. Hours later, I can still smell it. FML

#21086642
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44787) - you deserved it (4927)

On 03/14/2014 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by polebitch49 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got back from a two-week vacation. During my vacation, I had a friend from work watch my puppy. My puppy now likes him more than me, and won't stop whining sadly since he left. FML

#21081418
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36677) - you deserved it (6494)

On 03/08/2014 at 3:06pm - animals - by chuchundra (woman) - United States

Today, while I was waiting at a red light, a drunk guy limped in front of my car, unzipped, and started pissing on my windshield. FML

#21080535
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39035) - you deserved it (2860)

On 03/07/2014 at 1:51pm - misc - by Jehovah God (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in bed staring at two red lights coming from my DVD player. They reminded me of the terminator movies, and I had to unplug it. I'm 23 years old and scared of The Terminator. FML

#21080429
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32927) - you deserved it (7737)

On 03/07/2014 at 10:41am - misc - by scaredypants123 - United States

Today, I was in my Honors English class. I sneezed very loudly while my teacher was giving a lecture. I had the genius idea to say, "Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit." FML

Today, I achieved a personal goal by completing a half-marathon for charity, despite being overweight and unfit before training. When I finished I cried, not because I was proud of myself, but because I ran the last 2 miles while being followed by kids on bicycles calling me a "fat c**t". FML

#21078597
314 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62049) - you deserved it (4390)

On 03/05/2014 at 7:33am - health - by rolypoly (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML

#21077048
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55345) - you deserved it (6864)

On 03/03/2014 at 5:35pm - intimacy - by fuck you, Odin, FUCK YOU (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided it was time to tell my daughter that she had been adopted. Not only had she known for 5 years, she found out from my drunk sister. FML

#21076752
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40942) - you deserved it (7012)

On 03/03/2014 at 10:55am - kids - by adopted (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All it did was slice the spider's egg sac open, releasing all its babies. FML

#21076106
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50245) - you deserved it (12052)

On 03/02/2014 at 5:38pm - animals - by Anonytard - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was playing an intense game of Flappy Bird. I was so excited at being about to beat my high score that I got a hard-on. FML

#21074219
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37055) - you deserved it (16416)

On 02/28/2014 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Russian Federation (Moskva)

Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML

#21074161
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41887) - you deserved it (11511)

On 02/28/2014 at 4:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I made myself a hot pocket for lunch. I managed to scald myself on the red-hot cheese, and at the same time bite into the center, which was somehow still frozen solid. FML

#21073990
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32590) - you deserved it (5879)

On 02/28/2014 at 12:13pm - health - by loserr (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, in public, one of my mom's friends asked me how on earth did I get so tall, my mom happily scampered to my side and shrieked: 'TWO YEARS OF BREAST MILK'. FML

#21073837
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37681) - you deserved it (3338)

On 02/28/2014 at 4:06am - kids - by Ohgodmother (man) - Australia (Tasmania)

Today, my cat pissed all over my work clothes. They weren't even on the floor, she knocked the hanger down just so she could use them as a toilet. FML

#21073377
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33939) - you deserved it (4114)

On 02/27/2014 at 5:42pm - animals - by baxeh - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)



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