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rickster1000

Offline (the 10/30/2014 at 6:27am) | Search for a member

rickster1000

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rickster1000's favorite FMLs

Today, I was feeling unappreciated and asked my boyfriend if he loves me. He faltered and replied, "Uh, my dick does." FML

#21180513
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45975) - you deserved it (7671)

On 06/19/2014 at 10:33am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a customer called the restaurant I work at to ask if our coupons were always valid, or if they expired on the expiration date printed on them. FML

#21179816
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40558) - you deserved it (4579)

On 06/18/2014 at 8:58pm - work - by Shannon - United States (Michigan)

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

#21179512
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52417) - you deserved it (4607)

On 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got called a slut. I don't know what is worse, the fact I was called it or that I felt strangely flattered that the person thought I was getting any. FML

Today, while at the waterpark, some guy came up to me and profusely thanked me for wearing a one-piece swimsuit. FML

#21178301
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48732) - you deserved it (7550)

On 06/17/2014 at 4:44pm - misc - by ifeelfat (woman) - United States

Today, I almost got written up for insubordination by my boss. All I did was explain to him that I couldn't help a tourist out because I speak Japanese, not Korean, and that it's not in fact "the same Asian shit" as he seemed to think. FML

#21177954
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43149) - you deserved it (2967)

On 06/17/2014 at 11:28am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went to CVS to buy some tampons. The cashier said, "Ewwww... You're on your period." FML

Today, I was going to the bathroom at work. When I stood up, I noticed a little button on the side. I pressed it and the toilet flushed. I've worked there for nine months and just found out today that our toilets don't flush automatically. FML

#21177356
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24201) - you deserved it (42648)

On 06/16/2014 at 10:45pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my daughter told me that she liked her "other daddy" better. I don't know who's she talking about, but my wife is doing a good job telling her to be quiet. FML

#21177000
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56495) - you deserved it (3949)

On 06/16/2014 at 5:38pm - kids - by FirstDaddy (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I decided to tell my family, including my husband, that I'm pregnant. Their reaction was basically a "meh" before returning to watching the World Cup. FML

#21176835
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45549) - you deserved it (8975)

On 06/16/2014 at 2:50pm - misc - by FMeeee (woman) - Portugal (Aveiro)

Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML

#21174074
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43764) - you deserved it (6297)

On 06/14/2014 at 2:42am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, my 8-year-old son microwaved his pet hamster. FML

#21173596
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53159) - you deserved it (8969)

On 06/13/2014 at 6:53pm - animals - by sunil (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML

#21173465
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41817) - you deserved it (5306)

On 06/13/2014 at 4:17pm - health - by green and not with envy (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was babysitting a little girl. I let her play with a box of old Star Wars toys to keep her occupied while I quickly went to use the bathroom, and when I returned she was making the 15 or so figures have a massive orgy, sex sounds included. FML

#21171266
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42836) - you deserved it (5110)

On 06/11/2014 at 6:46pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML

#21171240
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46562) - you deserved it (6999)

On 06/11/2014 at 6:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)



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