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rickster1000

Offline (the 10/30/2014 at 6:27am) | Search for a member

rickster1000

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  • Number of visits : 6201
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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rickster1000's favorite FMLs

Today, a friend sent me to a guy he knows who repairs various electronics for a very low price. Good news: he fixed my malfunctioning iPad. Bad news: it took me several hours to notice that he'd carved the words DOUCHE and HIPSTER into the back panel. FML

#20934676
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36444) - you deserved it (7007)

On 10/26/2013 at 3:48pm - money - by fuckyouverymuch - United States (California)

Today, my dog had an upset stomach and diarrhea. To avoid a mess on the carpet, I confined her to a gated area in the kitchen with sheets over the floor, so any mess could be cleaned up easily. Instead of going on the sheets, she sprayed shit all up the walls. FML

#20933932
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42977) - you deserved it (6492)

On 10/25/2013 at 9:50pm - animals - by kiwibox - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, my mother came over to visit, and my kids started excitedly telling her Christmas is coming soon. She freaked out, saying Christmas is a "Satanic holiday" and telling them that Santa is going to hell along with everyone who celebrates it. My children are now traumatized. FML

#20933801
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41207) - you deserved it (3233)

On 10/25/2013 at 7:20pm - kids - by Jane M (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML

#20933730
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53187) - you deserved it (9103)

On 10/25/2013 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Dick the Greater (man) -

Today, my ex boyfriend got into a physical fight with the guy I've been casually seeing for 9 months. Afterwards, they had a beer, a long chat, and decided this was my fault and I wasn't worth the drama. FML

#20933266
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43670) - you deserved it (19622)

On 10/25/2013 at 7:54am - love - by what did I do? - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my little sister is having a friend spend the night. Our rooms are right next to one another and the walls are thin. We are now entering the fourth hour of a singing contest so off-key that it should be illegal. FML

#20933172
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40778) - you deserved it (3193)

On 10/25/2013 at 2:48am - misc - by ThisIsAgony - United States (Nevada)

Today, I realized I have erectile dysfunction while drunk, and premature ejaculation while sober. FML

#20932595
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47441) - you deserved it (5563)

On 10/24/2013 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had to call a plumber out to clear a blockage in our bathroom drainpipe. After coming back from work later in the day, and after a tearful confession from my wife, I found out that pipe wasn't the only one he snaked. FML

#20932505
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56121) - you deserved it (3749)

On 10/24/2013 at 4:06pm - misc - by soon to be divorced (man) - United States

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend taking a dump in the litter box. He said he wanted to know what it felt like for the cat. FML

#20930986
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44465) - you deserved it (5342)

On 10/23/2013 at 12:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found out through one of my friends that my boyfriend cheated on me. He says it doesn't count as cheating because he couldn't get it up. FML

#20930754
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49440) - you deserved it (4152)

On 10/23/2013 at 3:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to try LSD with a few friends in a safe environment. As an artist, I had planned to spend my trip doing psychedelic paintings and had all my supplies set up. Apparently I spent most of my time in fetal position muttering about the "evil easel" and never even touched my canvas. FML

#20930479
334 comments

Today, my dad came into my room, looked at my laptop, and said he could hear the porn I was watching all the way from his room. I wasn't watching porn. We soon realised it was actually coming from his mobile phone. FML

#20929016
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52981) - you deserved it (3912)

On 10/21/2013 at 3:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML

#20928358
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41409) - you deserved it (3175)

On 10/20/2013 at 11:51pm - kids - by momaaa1342 - United States (Illinois)

Today, a few of my friends arranged for us to go skinny-dipping with the guy I really like. It went really well, until a turd surfaced before our eyes. After we scrambled out of the pool in panic, my crush called us all freaks and left. FML

#20927673
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40784) - you deserved it (5486)

On 10/20/2013 at 3:56pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my husband confessed his pregnancy fetish to me, and now wants me to wear a fake belly when we have sex. FML

#20927617
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49650) - you deserved it (4499)

On 10/20/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by U_U (woman) - United States



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