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rickster1000

Offline (the 10/30/2014 at 6:27am) | Search for a member

rickster1000

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rickster1000's favorite FMLs

Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML

#20955991
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46110) - you deserved it (12125)

On 11/13/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by CanWeAllGetOne - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom showed my girlfriend a picture of me crying when I pooped in the bathtub. FML

#20955466
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39917) - you deserved it (4723)

On 11/12/2013 at 6:57pm - love - by icyrebel25 - United States (Texas)

Today, while taking an order over the phone for the customer at work, I began to hear slight moans. The moans gradually became faster and louder, until climax was achieved and I realized I was being used for phone sex. FML

#20955245
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43259) - you deserved it (3493)

On 11/12/2013 at 3:29pm - work - by long day - United States (Michigan)

Today, at the gym, I realized the guy who has been staring at me for the past 3 days is the same guy I promised to text back 5 months ago. FML

#20954898
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21846) - you deserved it (45125)

On 11/12/2013 at 6:18am - love - by awkwardencounters - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I learned I was conceived to the sounds of a Spice Girls album. FML

#20954288
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34672) - you deserved it (3807)

On 11/11/2013 at 6:58pm - misc - by queenxalee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I met my brother's girlfriend. We got talking, and we got onto the subject of tattoos. I said how much I hated tramp stamps, and how they make girls look trashy. She said, "Like this?" and showed me hers. FML

#20952213
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37691) - you deserved it (17502)

On 11/10/2013 at 12:51am - misc - by tramp - United States

Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML

#20950555
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42858) - you deserved it (7988)

On 11/08/2013 at 6:02pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I walked into my dorm room, only to witness my roommate shaving her vag over my trashcan. FML

#20950523
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49704) - you deserved it (4062)

On 11/08/2013 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by JN5SLK (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was in my room playing with my pet. I told my snake, "Who needs friends when I have you?" Through the wall I heard my neighbors say, "You do." I've never met my neighbors. FML

#20949324
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39431) - you deserved it (8007)

On 11/07/2013 at 6:08pm - misc - by Where is the faith in Humanity - United States (Washington)

Today, I watched as my grandma beat the shit out of my dad at the zoo. FML

#20948659
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45107) - you deserved it (4116)

On 11/07/2013 at 12:52am - misc - by Grandson - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that the guy I've been seeing is a firm supporter of the Westboro Baptist Church. FML

#20947273
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54524) - you deserved it (6903)

On 11/06/2013 at 12:06am - love - by maddie - United States (Texas)

Today, I was conducting surveys over the phone at work. As I called a new respondent, someone answered the phone, burped loudly, and hung up. This isn't the first time. I hate this job. FML

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

#20946325
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27213) - you deserved it (53970)

On 11/05/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by Something I said? (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

#20946225
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44068) - you deserved it (5353)

On 11/05/2013 at 8:22am - work - by regretsteachinghighschool - United States (Minnesota)

Today, for the tenth time, my teacher made a misbehaving student sit next to me as punishment. He begged for detention instead. FML

#20945365
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47513) - you deserved it (5225)

On 11/04/2013 at 5:01pm - misc - by WinkleBottom (man) - United States



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