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rickster1000

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rickster1000

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rickster1000's favorite FMLs

Today, one of my customer's pipes were blocked. As I went to unblock it, about a handful of used condoms collided with my face. I don't know if I should be disgusted by this or disgusted by my customer. FML

#21231545
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44580) - you deserved it (3857)

On 08/07/2014 at 5:09am - intimacy - by failallday (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML

#21225778
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40200) - you deserved it (7206)

On 07/31/2014 at 12:24pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, while wandering around the big city I just relocated to, I asked a seemingly pleasant-looking lady where the nearest library was. She told me to get lost, and started laughing. Then said she was just joking and gave me directions. I'm now standing in front of a gay strip joint. FML

#21225641
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42617) - you deserved it (4376)

On 07/31/2014 at 7:38am - misc - by lostintdot (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a 5 hour exam. The exam guard had clearly eaten something funky, because she kept burping loudly. When I thought it couldn't get any worse, she started farting. FML

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

#21218609
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40132) - you deserved it (4527)

On 07/23/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I walked in on my 15-year-old daughter stripping on Skype for strangers. FML

#21217343
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56679) - you deserved it (41778)

On 07/22/2014 at 1:39pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The officer was nice and let me off with just a warning. That is, until my dipshit brother yelled "Fucking pig!" out the window as the officer walked back to his car. FML

#21216216
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34574) - you deserved it (21254)

On 07/21/2014 at 11:58am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML

#21214127
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29731) - you deserved it (37966)

On 07/19/2014 at 1:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I ran into my boyfriend of 5 years. The weird thing was that he was supposed to be in Iran. The even weirder thing was that he was with his wife and kids. FML

#21212869
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69096) - you deserved it (5457)

On 07/18/2014 at 12:49pm - love - by someonepleasehelpme (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the living room. I found my now ex-girlfriend and best friend in there, sweaty and in their underwear. The idiot actually had the balls to claim he was teaching her how to do push-ups. FML

#21210956
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55886) - you deserved it (4151)

On 07/16/2014 at 4:09pm - love - by betrayed (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML

#21210892
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52647) - you deserved it (3679)

On 07/16/2014 at 2:56pm - kids - by fuck you, kid (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

#21209385
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51499) - you deserved it (6421)

On 07/14/2014 at 11:25pm - intimacy - by thedoc (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while eating dinner with my boyfriend, I look up to see him staring at me, smiling. Hoping he wanted to say how lucky of a man he was who loved me deeply, I asked him what he was thinking. He replied, "You can't smell that yet? It was a noxious one." FML

#21209203
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40270) - you deserved it (6024)

On 07/14/2014 at 7:48pm - love - by KaiyaOtaku1 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML

#21207695
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58293) - you deserved it (7232)

On 07/13/2014 at 3:46am - intimacy - by NoSexForMe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, less than a week after ranting to my husband about how sick some people are to sexualize characters from kids' TV shows, I looked through his browser history and found out he's very much into Powerpuff Girls porn. FML

#21192500
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40582) - you deserved it (8156)

On 06/29/2014 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)



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