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rickster1000

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rickster1000

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rickster1000's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my son to go to the grocery store across the street and pick up some lettuce. He sighed and said, "Why don't you just order it on Amazon?" FML

#21124599
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41988) - you deserved it (6626)

On 04/27/2014 at 7:01pm - kids - by nh-Amazon - United States (Texas)

Today, I bought my niece a plush My Little Pony figure for her birthday. Only after she unwrapped it did I realize that it was meant to be a sex toy for grown men. FML

#21123212
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40272) - you deserved it (16855)

On 04/26/2014 at 1:57am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, after an entire year spent in physical therapy recovering from three knee surgeries, I finally returned to doing light agility exercises and running on a treadmill. When I told my therapist I had never been so happy and proud, he responded with, "This usually only takes 5 months, pussy." FML

#21122058
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42226) - you deserved it (7006)

On 04/24/2014 at 7:42pm - health - by AnonymousAndSad (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, the man sitting next to me on the train tried to sneak a dead cat into my bag while I was sleeping. FML

#21121912
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42197) - you deserved it (3515)

On 04/24/2014 at 4:52pm - animals - by now have a cat - United States (Illinois)

Today, I met a cute guy, and everything went great. After a while, he asked me for my number and I gave it to him. Now he won't stop texting me, asking for pictures of my toes. FML

Today, my great-grandmother uttered the phrase, "Just because I'm gray up here, doesn't mean I'm gray down there!" FML

#21120495
107 comments

Today, I walked in on my son holding a lighter to the end of a pen and sniffing the fumes. Apparently he thought it would get him high. FML

#21119972
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36603) - you deserved it (4694)

On 04/22/2014 at 2:59pm - kids - by wah wah "you raised him" (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML

#21119041
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48970) - you deserved it (13724)

On 04/21/2014 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by sexual parrot -

Today, my drug addict of a roommate convinced herself my red kitten was Pennywise the clown in disguise waiting to kill her, and hit him over the head with a pan. FML

Today, at my wedding, my husband stood up to give a speech. It started out beautiful, until he told everyone how he started to fall in love with me after I blew him on our first date. FML

#21118892
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52050) - you deserved it (12884)

On 04/21/2014 at 11:43am - intimacy - by Sue Ellen (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, when I went to the shopping centre, the automatic door wouldn't open for me. I had to stand there and wait until someone else walked by to open it for me. I suffer from dwarfism and this is a daily occurrence. FML

#21118654
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51909) - you deserved it (3961)

On 04/21/2014 at 12:11am - misc - by shorty (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML

#21118643
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47671) - you deserved it (7012)

On 04/21/2014 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Taylor - United States (Iowa)

Today, I accidentally walked in on my mom cheating on my step-dad with my real dad. FML

Today, at a big Easter egg hunt, the kids found a wild bunny. Everyone smiled and "aww"ed, until my dog caught and ate it in front everyone. FML

#21118358
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42443) - you deserved it (4927)

On 04/20/2014 at 7:24pm - animals - by BetterThanChocolate (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend of 3 years believes sex before marriage or even me just jacking off is a big no, doing online strip-shows for money is a big yes for her. Both times that I've proposed, she claimed she isn't "ready" for marriage. FML

#21118108
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43630) - you deserved it (8604)

On 04/20/2014 at 1:58pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Wigan)



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  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

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