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rickster1000

Offline (the 10/30/2014 at 6:27am) | Search for a member

rickster1000

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rickster1000's favorite FMLs

Today, I hit a new low point in my life when I stole batteries from a toy at the daycare I work at, and put them in my vibrator. FML

#21286701
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23873) - you deserved it (31358)

On 10/27/2014 at 11:40pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML

#21285975
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32505) - you deserved it (4548)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:42pm - kids - by MySonThePoet (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, let's just say it's not always a good idea to storm into your mum's bedroom after hearing several loud slaps accompanied by yelps. What sounds like domestic violence might just be your mum and step-dad's foreplay. For Christ's sake, I need brain bleach. FML

#21285126
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34015) - you deserved it (7688)

On 10/25/2014 at 5:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I was waiting at a traffic light next to an ice cream van. The man in it turned to me and winked, making sexual hand gestures. I felt my childhood die horribly as I watched. FML

#21284616
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32903) - you deserved it (2413)

On 10/24/2014 at 8:30pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

#21275066
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31392) - you deserved it (14433)

On 10/10/2014 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

Today, as a limo driver, I had to drive 8 guys for a night-out from their wives. I put the Michigan/Rutgers game on the radio, thinking they would appreciate that. Apparently, they wanted to listen to their "pump-up" songs instead, which were mostly Katy Perry songs. FML

#21271972
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36118) - you deserved it (4390)

On 10/06/2014 at 11:05am - work - by theseguysarewhipped... - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML

#21271608
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36527) - you deserved it (16187)

On 10/05/2014 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the guy I really like acknowledged my existence for the first time. Too bad it was through a text saying "lol ur a fat fukc". FML

#21271187
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34978) - you deserved it (3461)

On 10/05/2014 at 12:02pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I got on one knee in front of my girlfriend. I pulled out the ring, uttered the words "Lisa, will you..." then abruptly shat my pants. FML

#21271177
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42486) - you deserved it (5135)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I confiscated a 1st grader's cell phone. It was better than anything I could come close to affording. FML

#21256659
152 comments

Today, my boyfriend called me in tears, convinced that he found me in a porn video online. It wasn't me. And when I finally got him to give me the web address, I too started crying at the realization of how fat he thinks I am. FML

#21243572
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48728) - you deserved it (4340)

On 08/23/2014 at 2:26am - intimacy - by confidence taken - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I finally told my dad that I hate his girlfriend. I said her daughter's a complete whore, and her son is annoying as fuck. Turns out they were in the house and within earshot, ready to throw me a birthday party. FML

#21243310
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23680) - you deserved it (49)

On 08/22/2014 at 6:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I stuck one of those "kick me" signs on my friend's back for fun, and someone took the invitation. Unfortunately, my friend whirled around and beat the shit out of him. I managed to sneak the sign off his back, but now I feel like a total asshole. FML

#21243070
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19053) - you deserved it (44549)

On 08/22/2014 at 10:35am - misc - by oops (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, on my first day at as a photo editor at a print store, I had to spend over an hour editing a full shoot of a fat man eating a baguette in a bathtub, closeups included. FML

#21242471
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35563) - you deserved it (3429)

On 08/21/2014 at 1:39pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)



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