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rickster1000

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rickster1000

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rickster1000's favorite FMLs

Today, I had a 5 hour exam. The exam guard had clearly eaten something funky, because she kept burping loudly. When I thought it couldn't get any worse, she started farting. FML

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

#21218609
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37352) - you deserved it (4348)

On 07/23/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I walked in on my 15-year-old daughter stripping on Skype for strangers. FML

#21217343
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51792) - you deserved it (39989)

On 07/22/2014 at 1:39pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The officer was nice and let me off with just a warning. That is, until my dipshit brother yelled "Fucking pig!" out the window as the officer walked back to his car. FML

#21216216
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31677) - you deserved it (20590)

On 07/21/2014 at 11:58am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML

#21214127
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28785) - you deserved it (37117)

On 07/19/2014 at 1:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I ran into my boyfriend of 5 years. The weird thing was that he was supposed to be in Iran. The even weirder thing was that he was with his wife and kids. FML

#21212869
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63233) - you deserved it (4827)

On 07/18/2014 at 12:49pm - love - by someonepleasehelpme (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the living room. I found my now ex-girlfriend and best friend in there, sweaty and in their underwear. The idiot actually had the balls to claim he was teaching her how to do push-ups. FML

#21210956
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53098) - you deserved it (3816)

On 07/16/2014 at 4:09pm - love - by betrayed (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML

#21210892
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49088) - you deserved it (3338)

On 07/16/2014 at 2:56pm - kids - by fuck you, kid (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

#21209385
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44007) - you deserved it (5146)

On 07/14/2014 at 11:25pm - intimacy - by thedoc (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while eating dinner with my boyfriend, I look up to see him staring at me, smiling. Hoping he wanted to say how lucky of a man he was who loved me deeply, I asked him what he was thinking. He replied, "You can't smell that yet? It was a noxious one." FML

#21209203
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38664) - you deserved it (5608)

On 07/14/2014 at 7:48pm - love - by KaiyaOtaku1 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML

#21207695
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52426) - you deserved it (6774)

On 07/13/2014 at 3:46am - intimacy - by NoSexForMe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to my young niece hammering a metal cookie cutter into my leg. I'll have a teddy bear shaped scar for the rest of my life. FML

#21199181
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49250) - you deserved it (4644)

On 07/05/2014 at 1:40am - kids - by umerin - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to my friend's house to give him some moral support as he came out of the closet to his family. I left with a black eye. FML

#21192141
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41355) - you deserved it (5751)

On 06/29/2014 at 1:04am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML

#21192088
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47777) - you deserved it (3497)

On 06/29/2014 at 12:16am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my sister ran into my room unannounced while I was on webcam with a potential employer. Before I could react, she looked at my screen, said "Damn, he's fucking hot." and flashed him. FML

#21191852
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51765) - you deserved it (4717)

On 06/28/2014 at 8:26pm - work - by justno - Canada (Ontario)



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Tuesday 22 July 2014

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