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resshead

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resshead
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2081
  • Number of comments : 20
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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resshead's favorite FMLs

Today, I'm cheering myself up about being newly single by having a sleepover with my best friends. Their boyfriends have all decided to sleep over as well though, so I'm currently alone in a corridor with nothing but the sound of all my friends having loud sex to keep me company. FML

#19588990
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32186) - you deserved it (3512)

On 05/07/2012 at 8:25pm - intimacy - by coffeeshopgirl (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I got an inconvenient erection while at my girlfriends house, so I tried to think of something stupid to get rid of it. I tried thinking of Pokémon, which actually made me harder. FML

#19587857
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18824) - you deserved it (7569)

On 05/07/2012 at 4:38pm - intimacy - by me (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML

#19586096
359 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43839) - you deserved it (8536)

On 05/07/2012 at 5:42am - intimacy - by quirrus (woman) - United States

Today, my dad found a couple of coins on the floor next to my desk, and gave me a lecture about how money doesn't grow on trees and how irresponsible I am when it comes to money. They were Chuck E. Cheese tokens. FML

#19585247
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18150) - you deserved it (2046)

On 05/07/2012 at 12:12am - money - by rofindie (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend gave birth to our first child. Our nurse was the lady I had a one night stand with 3 nights ago, and yes she remembered me. FML

#19584401
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11941) - you deserved it (160166)

On 05/06/2012 at 9:44pm - intimacy - by T3STI (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while at the store, I realized how socially inept I am when I said "excuse me" to a shopping cart because it was in my way. FML

Today, I got tasered by a cop. It was his second day on the job. My crime? Sneezing during a sobriety test. FML

#19576269
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26458) - you deserved it (1959)

On 05/05/2012 at 7:44am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML

#19572377
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10326) - you deserved it (29895)

On 05/04/2012 at 8:49am - health - by authorsubmit - United States

Today, while I was sneaking a boy out of my room at 2am, I ran into my mom sneaking a man into her room. FML

#19568801
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33300) - you deserved it (9692)

On 05/03/2012 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by dentistrygirl - United States

Today, I sarcastically pointed out a book to my mom, titled "Living Successfully With Screwed Up People." She already has it. FML

#19568451
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14502) - you deserved it (3187)

On 05/03/2012 at 1:45pm - misc - by screwedupkid -

Today, I went on a picnic with my boyfriend's family. I thought it would be nice to wear my sundress and cowgirl boots. The wind repeatedly picked up my dress in front of everyone, including my boyfriend's seedy grandpa, who I have to admit can do a pretty good wolf-whistle. FML

#19563629
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17621) - you deserved it (5862)

On 05/02/2012 at 2:34pm - misc - by EyeSeeYou (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out the guy I've been crushing on for many years thinks he's a werewolf. FML

#19536972
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22745) - you deserved it (4057)

On 04/27/2012 at 11:24am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boss overheard me singing, "I need a shit, I need a shit" on my way to the bathroom. FML

#19531197
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6181) - you deserved it (27017)

On 04/26/2012 at 6:44am - work - by NoPrivacy (woman) - United States

Today, I was trolling in a chat room when someone said, quote: "He's just a no-life, unemployed loser still living in his mom's basement. Probably spends all day stroking his tiny dong and fantasizing about having a real girlfriend." I actually started crying because it was so accurate. FML

#19517748
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10567) - you deserved it (35216)

On 04/23/2012 at 6:06pm - misc - by pathetic (man) - Poland (Mazowieckie)

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

#19506149
426 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38693) - you deserved it (3514)

On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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