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resshead

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resshead
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  • Number of visits : 2077
  • Number of comments : 20
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML

#20042325
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19354) - you deserved it (1683)

On 08/26/2012 at 5:21am - misc - by ewww (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML

#19986519
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20499) - you deserved it (1552)

On 07/27/2012 at 12:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I walked into my upstairs bathroom to find my mom's new boyfriend eating soup, naked on the toilet. In shock, I stepped back and fell down a flight of stairs, backwards, and hit my head on wall, leaving a dent in it. FML

#19984594
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23061) - you deserved it (1792)

On 07/26/2012 at 1:14am - misc - by Lilragu97 - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML

#19983789
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24458) - you deserved it (1862)

On 07/25/2012 at 5:05pm - work - by justlittleoldme - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I received a "get well soon" card in the mail, which I found just a little odd, since I was feeling completely fine. Not an hour later, I tripped and fell down a flight of stairs. FML

#19981576
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23174) - you deserved it (1915)

On 07/24/2012 at 1:36pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML

#19903364
314 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28101) - you deserved it (3395)

On 07/07/2012 at 2:10am - misc - by kalikanna - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was called into my first day of work as a cashier. Not even 30 minutes into training, my boss had already "accidentally" touched my ass 7 times. FML

#19897423
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24490) - you deserved it (2089)

On 07/05/2012 at 10:13pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I laughed when I shouldn't have and am probably fired. What happened? My boss asked me if birds were reptiles. I thought he was kidding. FML

#19817734
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19918) - you deserved it (2270)

On 06/20/2012 at 8:46am - work - by notanidiot - United States (Michigan)

Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses witnessed me whacking off on my couch. FML

Today, I was forced to listen to a client rant about her lackluster sexual encounters with her husband. I was also given a rather detailed description of his manhood. Apparently, it's small. FML

Today, I was out to coffee with an extremely attractive friend. A crazy man came up to the window we were facing. He took one look at her, then turned to me with a big, congratulatory smile, flashing me a thumbs-up. Then he turned to her, frowned disappointedly and gave a thumbs-down. FML

#19785807
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19120) - you deserved it (1720)

On 06/14/2012 at 4:11am - misc - by offended (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML

#19784539
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25862) - you deserved it (6327)

On 06/13/2012 at 10:21pm - intimacy - by biggieT - Sri Lanka (Western)

Today, I was chatting to a co-worker, upon whom I have a serious crush. It was going really well, until he said "irregardless", as if it's actually a proper word. This grammatical abomination really ticks me off, and I actually had to fight back the urge to beat some damn sense into him. FML

#19783803
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8917) - you deserved it (26791)

On 06/13/2012 at 7:50pm - love - by Rebecca (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML

#19781755
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29055) - you deserved it (4449)

On 06/13/2012 at 12:07pm - intimacy - by Rosie (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

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