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reapfml
  • Town/Country : San Diego, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 11295
  • Number of comments : 88
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 17 posted

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reapfml's favorite FMLs

Today, was my wedding night. We had decided to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressed and smiled at my new wife, she burst into tears and cried, "please don't make me do this." FML

#2200863
532 comments

I agree, your life sucks (197017) - you deserved it (20881)

On 05/23/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by honeymoondisaster (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I received a list of employee names who were losing their jobs and I had to remove them from the system as I work for IT. I was on the list. That's right. My last responsibility as an employee was removing myself from the system for security reasons. FML

#1818659
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64301) - you deserved it (2451)

On 05/10/2009 at 4:41pm - work - by IT_4_Hire (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I cut down a dead tree in my yard. The top hit the ground and the base seesawed up in the air and came down on my head. I hit the ground like a sack of flour. Fortunately, the wood was rotted and soft. Unfortunately, the chainsaw was still running. 28 stitches in my calf. FML

#1807200
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71651) - you deserved it (11376)

On 05/10/2009 at 8:44am - misc - by Jopes (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

#1604682
305 comments

I agree, your life sucks (247749) - you deserved it (14288)

On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML

#1592701
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20734) - you deserved it (78242)

On 05/03/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by danggit3290 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

#1550190
356 comments

I agree, your life sucks (161879) - you deserved it (39904)

On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went up to a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned my boyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone started playing from the bush. FML

#1415688
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (191711) - you deserved it (9110)

On 04/28/2009 at 2:27am - intimacy - by liveforpeace_ (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML

#1339602
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42212) - you deserved it (15182)

On 04/25/2009 at 11:10pm - animals - by poopedon (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got dressed in what I thought was a really adorable outfit. I had a cute pink skirt on, a white tank top and silver strappy sandal heels. On my way to the mall a car pulls over and this guy asks me how much for three hours. FML

#1259995
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26087) - you deserved it (67970)

On 04/23/2009 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by gabormelchior (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was playing and laughing with my new baby boy. He was giggling, and it was adorable. Out of nowhere I say "you're my favorite!". Now I'm sitting here talking to my two other children about how what I said earlier I didn't mean personally. They never want to talk to me again. FML

#1176288
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12780) - you deserved it (108877)

On 04/20/2009 at 10:39pm - kids - by Damnlife123 (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I had the good fortune of finding a seat on the bus, not the norm in Peru. Several minutes after sitting down, I felt something on my shoulder. Thinking it was a hand, I turned my head to look. I came face to face with a dirty man's crotch, it was his erection resting on my shoulder. FML

#1068348
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (138731) - you deserved it (6682)

On 04/17/2009 at 9:19pm - intimacy - by gringa_Peru (woman) - Peru (Lima)

Today, my boyfriend of 17 months, the first guy to tell me he loves me, the guy I lost my virginity to, the only guy whose parents I've met, told me we should stop 'hooking up' because it's weird that I was telling everyone we were a couple and it was ruining his chances of finding a girlfriend. FML

Today, my girlfriend and I were watching TV. She starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited, she says to me, "Just joking." FML

#946704
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (140337) - you deserved it (20538)

On 04/13/2009 at 9:44am - intimacy - by Hikara (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was driving and I saw was a dog running onto the road, I slammed on the brakes to a completely stop. Multiple cars crashed into the back of my car. It turns out it wasn't a dog, it was just newspaper blown by the wind. FML

#943604
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25946) - you deserved it (46858)

On 04/13/2009 at 1:41am - animals - by Peta - Canada

Today, I found my dog, who had been missing for over a month, at the local pound. Clearly it was my dog, she responded to her name and cried when she saw me. However, the woman there told me I could not simply take her, I had to follow through with all policies. I paid $250 to adopt my own dog. FML

#927038
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61655) - you deserved it (8697)

On 04/12/2009 at 1:55pm - animals - by anbrown6 - United States (North Carolina)



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