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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my roommate brought a guy home at 3:30am. Not having a condom, she ran into my room to borrow one of mine. She was overzealous, jumped onto my bed, and cracked two of my ribs. She then took the condom, left me lying paralyzed with pain, and then had very loud sex, which I heard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55067) - you deserved it (2643)
On 08/26/2009 at 1:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, on a plane I was showing my brother the life jackets kept under the seat. After pulling on what I thought was the lifejacket, I then realized that they were kept in the arm rest to my right and for the last five minutes I had been pulling on the foot of the man who was sitting behind me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7203) - you deserved it (31395)
On 08/26/2009 at 12:28am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, for karaoke, I sang American Woman by Lenny Kravitz. The entire audience cracked up laughing and at least three people pulled out their cell phones to record my performance. At the end, the DJ said, "Looks like someone had too much tonight." I was completely sober. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30236) - you deserved it (8153)
On 08/25/2009 at 4:07pm - misc - by Cossack_Man (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52088) - you deserved it (5018)
On 08/25/2009 at 1:09pm - love - by Jeff (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I spotted my neighbour's cat sitting on their front garden. I bent over and began walking towards it with my hand out saying, "Hello pussycat". I was only a few feet away when I realised I was talking to a white bag of sand. I turned to see my family in hysterics. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9336) - you deserved it (26994)
On 08/25/2009 at 7:40am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Reading)
Today, I woke up to the sounds of birds singing, the smell of butter pancakes in the air and thought to myself "Wow, today is going to be great day. I can feel it!" Excited, I jumped out of my bed and threw open the door to see my 58 year old mother doing her morning stretches in the nude. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35931) - you deserved it (3412)
On 08/25/2009 at 2:47am - animals - by MrMagicMan000 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I found out why my 5 year old son's teacher acts so awkward around me. My son told everyone in his class that I work as a stripper. I'm not a stripper, I work at the strip mall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31871) - you deserved it (1796)
On 08/25/2009 at 2:32am - misc - by Stripperofthemall - United States (California)
Today, my wife and I had another couple over. My wife was beside me while we all talked in the kitchen. I turned to put something in the fridge, and the other couple went into the next room. Turning back, I groped my wife's breasts playfully. She screamed and slapped me. It wasn't my wife. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12013) - you deserved it (41505)
On 08/24/2009 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by InTheDoghouse23 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I got my first period. My dad bought me a card and had everyone in my family sign it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45309) - you deserved it (3732)
On 08/24/2009 at 3:59pm - misc - by embarassed_chick (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I corrected my mom in front of our family while she was ragging on my 12 year old cousin who got a piercing. She said, "You don't understand you don't have kids, but on the other hand you probably never will!" I have Polycystic ovary syndrome, she is right, I probably never will. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49260) - you deserved it (2612)
On 08/24/2009 at 12:43pm - health - by fannyfitel123 (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I ended up gashing my leg rather badly on the corner of a chair, fell to the ground with a very loud thud, and yelled "OH F*CK ME!!". I hobbled to the bathroom making more noise in the process. My neighbor came by and asked if I could "keep my sex noise to a minimum". FML
I agree, your life sucks (30526) - you deserved it (6272)
On 08/24/2009 at 3:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I almost got married. After the elaborate and very expensive wedding, my "husband" decided he did not want to sign the marriage license because he wasn't sure if he really wanted to settle down after all. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39394) - you deserved it (2673)
On 08/24/2009 at 1:16am - love - by singleagain (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was at a friend's party. All of the sudden, my friend goes, "Ok girls, get a guy to dance with." Then everyone scrambled to find someone. There was just enough guy-girl pairs. This hot girl and I were the only two left. She looked at me and said, "Umm, I have to use the bathroom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35731) - you deserved it (3033)
On 08/23/2009 at 1:25am - intimacy - by Idontdance (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, after my partner of two years broke up with me, I decided to have a heart to heart with my mother about it. Her advice was to clean the house. I asked how that would make me feel better. She said that she wasn't sure, but at least the house would be clean. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20306) - you deserved it (3078)
On 08/22/2009 at 8:43pm - love - by Loveless (man) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, my husband decided to drain his motorcycle oil into an empty bottle of laundry detergent. Also today, I decided to lift a stain out of my white comforter with some detergent I found in the garage. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23559) - you deserved it (7798)
On 08/22/2009 at 3:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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