randombleeps

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randombleeps

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 921
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About randombleeps : I LOVE MY MUSIC LOUD!!!!!

randombleeps's page activity

Visits<b>HarshD9619</b> - the 01/14/2016 at 5:45am<b>dantee2005</b> - the 06/24/2015 at 7:46am<b>CreepinCow</b> - the 06/19/2015 at 8:39am<b>kyle8211</b> - the 04/27/2015 at 6:59pm<b>constipation</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 11:05am<b>bushytomatoe</b> - the 04/01/2015 at 4:44am<b>elfyna_g</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 12:23pm<b>DeletedSoul</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 8:11pm<b>GunSlinger69</b> - the 01/11/2015 at 11:18pm<b>Puffpie</b> - the 12/20/2014 at 2:39pm<b>MargaretMary</b> - the 12/08/2014 at 3:40pm<b>Juicenub</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 8:35am<b>wysteria14</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 2:44pm<b>Dchag117</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 12:42pm<b>wolfgold2</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 8:23pm<b>professorstark</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 2:12am<b>billionair11</b> - the 06/07/2014 at 9:51pm<b>Ellie323</b> - the 05/26/2014 at 7:49pm

randombleeps's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of randombleeps's badges

randombleeps's favorite FMLs

Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML

by anonymous / 04/04/2013 at 6:52pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, while on the bus, an elderly man fell asleep on my shoulder. He looked sweet, so I didn't push him off. A few minutes later, the bus jolted and his head slipped down into my breasts. I'm pretty sure you don't smile like that when you're really asleep. FML

by Anonymous / 04/04/2013 at 2:04pm / Portugal (Lisboa) / Transportation

Today, my creepy co-worker walked up and said, "You know, I was having sex with this girl last night, and I almost said your name." FML

by QuinnyZebrass / 04/02/2013 at 12:11am / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He raised an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML

by fuck you dad / 03/30/2013 at 2:17pm / Ireland (Monaghan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my mom thought I was a lesbian because I dated a girl in high school. I didn't date anyone in high school. Apparently, guys never asked me out because my best friend told everyone that I was her girlfriend. I had a two-year lesbian relationship that I never knew about. FML

by SmallAngel / 03/21/2013 at 8:35pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, my fiancée and I showed my mother-in-law a picture of the location at which we'll be holding our wedding reception. It's a beautiful waterfront building overlooking the ocean. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Looks like a good place to commit suicide." FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2013 at 10:40am / Latvia / Miscellaneous

Today, I was helping my father-in-law out at a family barbecue. Somehow, the topic turned to grand-children, at which point I confessed that my wife has been having trouble conceiving. His response was to boom: "Sure you've been putting it in the right hole, son?!" FML

by um... maybe / 03/12/2013 at 6:43pm / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, I met the man of my dreams. We saw a movie, then went to a bar. It went perfectly, until he got wasted and started singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" to me while everyone laughed. Then I woke up, having just been Rickrolled by my own subconscious. FML

by ShadowBox / 03/12/2013 at 12:43pm / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend drove me back home. My dad was sitting on the porch in his underwear, with his shotgun in his lap. He stroked the gun, looked my boyfriend dead in the eyes, and slowly shook his head. Now my boyfriend refuses to see me for his own safety. FML

by Anonymous / 03/10/2013 at 6:37pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML

by RedWaters / 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML

by cthulhu help me / 03/01/2013 at 1:22pm / United States (Arkansas) / Work

Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML

by cthulhu help me / 03/01/2013 at 1:22pm / United States (Arkansas) / Work

Today, the guy who confessed his love for me also confessed that in his rage, he almost shot the last girl who broke his heart. FML

Today, after a long, horrible day at work and some fighting with my family and my girlfriend, I decided to cheer myself up by going to McDonald's for a change. I burst into tears when the cashier told me they couldn't make me a Mars McFlurry because they'd run out of ingredients. FML

by Anonymous / 01/15/2013 at 3:56pm / Finland (Southern Finland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a party with my crush. The collar on his shirt was sticking up so I fixed it for him. He gave me a hug and said, "Aww you're so good to me. You're like my mother. You can be my college mother." I got mother-zoned. FML

by shiney100893 / 01/14/2013 at 7:56am / Ireland (Dublin) / Love