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randombleeps's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 09/14/2013 at 1:23am / United States (Ohio) / Geek
Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it is. He just paused, turned to look me in the eyes, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML
by Anonymous / 09/06/2013 at 6:56pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by aherdofpigs / 09/02/2013 at 3:22pm / United States / Animals
Today, I was visiting my cousin's farm. Going out for a morning stroll, I took an apple with me to munch along the way. As I was eating it, I heard a distant thumping sound and was suddenly slammed into the ground. When I looked up, a horse was eating my apple. I got mugged by a horse. FML
by Anonymous / 08/14/2013 at 5:11am / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, I was at a job interview for a position I really needed. Somehow, the interviewer and I started talking about fishing. I joked, "I'm a master baiter." Needless to say, I didn't get the job. FML
by master baiter / 08/12/2013 at 1:11pm / United States (New York) / Work
Today, my 14-year-old daughter convinced my son that when he was born, he was actually born as a girl, but we wanted a boy so bad we had his gender changed. Now he wants to change back to a girl because now he doesn't feel right as a boy. Last year, she got her other brother to cross dress. FML
by mydaughterisdisturbed / 08/11/2013 at 8:58pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids
by Serum / 08/05/2013 at 12:41pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy
Today, I was washing up in a public bathroom, when I looked up for a second and saw a kid in the mirror staring back at me. I gasped, as I thought the place had been empty. He whispered, "It's time to die." I screamed and ran out, only to hear him burst out laughing behind me. FML
by lights on forever / 08/02/2013 at 4:57pm / Turkey (Istanbul) / Miscellaneous
Today, after more than six years of working my ass off, I finally summoned the courage to ask my boss for a raise. She just chuckled, "I'm gonna need you to eat a dick, John." and stared at me unblinking until I awkwardly left. FML
by no new apartment for me / 07/18/2013 at 3:53pm / United States (Maryland) / Work
by Anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 4:27pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my family. Over the next hour, a huge religious debate erupted, and my grandfather drunkenly told us all how he almost killed himself once while experimenting with auto-erotic asphyxiation. My boyfriend called us all crazy and seems to have dumped me. FML
by fuck family / 07/17/2013 at 4:13pm / Poland (Dolnoslaskie) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 12:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 12:48am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by ScenicSubterfuge / 07/16/2013 at 12:01pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I knocked over a display case at a mall, shattering hundreds of dollars in goods. Embarrassed, I tried to scurry out of the nearest door without being seen. I scuttled right into the janitor's closet, the door automatically locking behind me. I waited for an hour to be let out. FML
by Jer / 07/15/2013 at 7:36pm / United States (Kentucky) / Money
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…