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Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1202) - you totally deserved it (655)
On 03/14/2010 at 10:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I came down with sudden diarrhea while at taekwondo practice. I discretely called my dad for a pickup, but on our way out, he told my instructor that I had to go because I was "shitting my pants with fear". He did this in front of all my classmates. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12112) - you totally deserved it (1011)
On 03/04/2010 at 1:52pm - health - by GoDiarrhea (woman) - Argentina (Distrito Federal)
Today, I was about to take a crap when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20567) - you totally deserved it (2301)
On 02/09/2010 at 1:20pm - kids - by justme - Sent from a mobile version
Today, my boyfriend of six months dumped me for his girlfriend on Grand Theft Auto because he was "tired of having to please two women at once." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16732) - you totally deserved it (1879)
On 02/08/2010 at 9:17pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big, it means she's going to maul your face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8567) - you totally deserved it (16213)
On 11/18/2009 at 4:01pm - misc - by nycplywood (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, a milkbone commerical came on TV. At the end of the commercial, they whistle and throw a milkbone across the screen, prompting my 100 lb German Shepherd to leap off the couch and pummel my brand new plasma screen TV. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26998) - you totally deserved it (2251)
On 11/03/2009 at 1:11pm - misc - by doglover (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, while at the store, my fly became undone. It doesn't seem that bad unless an old lady comes to "zip it up for you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20104) - you totally deserved it (2181)
On 10/25/2009 at 2:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alaska)
Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18763) - you totally deserved it (3883)
On 10/21/2009 at 10:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7008) - you totally deserved it (18831)
On 10/20/2009 at 5:31pm - misc - by FailedEngineer (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30936) - you totally deserved it (4291)
On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
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