About qwillis98 : My favorite commenters are Perdix, Docbastard, pleonasm, ICastillio, Welshite, enslaved and noor, but not particularly in that order. I don't comment often but when i do i try to make a good one. I'm not a grammar nazi but when you type like "yuh nede 2 gt a lyffe" i will go fucking apeshit on you! But i'll never correct someone when I need a dictionary as well.
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qwillis98's favorite FMLs
Today, my dad made me deliver a welcoming cake to our new neighbors. While I was making small-talk, I saw him climb over their backyard fence. A minute later, he climbed back over, with a plastic deck-chair in hand. I feel like an accessory to the pettiest theft in history. FML
by wtf dad / 03/02/2012 at 9:24pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my grandmother for a spin in my new car. Apparently, she had no idea that seat-warmers exist and that hers was turned on, because fifteen minutes into the ride she started shouting, "My ass is on fire!" causing me to swerve into a pole. FML
by BOOP / 02/17/2012 at 8:25am / United States (Montana) / Transportation
Today, I was attending my bachelor party. I watched a very attractive young girl dancing on a pole, giving me a seductive look. As she walked up to me, I realized it was my soon-to-be wife's younger sister. FML
by wellthisisawkward80 / 11/06/2011 at 1:15am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because 'it's chicken, not salmon'. FML
by SoupCanoe / 08/29/2011 at 4:33am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Health
by TKDConnor92 / 07/22/2011 at 6:51am / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Kids
Today, I went to my high school reunion. I was super excited to see what everyone had done in their lives. The nerdy guy I bullied is now a U.S. Marine and already has two deployments in Afghanistan under his belt. He looked at me in his dress blues and said, "I remember you." FML
by kringr / 06/05/2011 at 8:52pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/29/2011 at 2:29am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was invited to a counseling group for people with emotional problems. I brought the permission slip home for my mom to sign, only for her to accuse me of being a hypochondriacal, lazy, selfish bitch. And my friends wonder why I have problems. FML
by PissedAtLife / 02/23/2011 at 3:37pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health
by Samuel / 05/21/2010 at 3:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my younger sister's dog broke its leg. The vets are closed today so instead of going on a date with a girl I have been trying to get for at least 2 years, I need to carry an 80 lb. dog that hates me, up and down the stairs. I already got bit twice. FML
by Noname / 10/15/2009 at 6:14pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
Today, was my first day as a bouncer. I was a bit late and didn't meet all the staff. Later that night, some fairly drunk guy was trying to force his way in, I told him we were at capacity and that he would have to wait. He kept trying and I ended up pushing him to the floor. He was the owner. FML
by Baboosh / 09/28/2009 at 12:11am / Canada (Quebec) / Work
by turnoff / 09/17/2009 at 12:42am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by cheated / 07/08/2009 at 2:46am / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML
by Dunzo15 / 05/02/2009 at 2:28am / United States (New York) / Work
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 5 years getting intimate with my best friend. When they saw me they immediately stopped and said nothing. After about 5 seconds of silence my boyfriend yells "April fools!" April Fools was 12 days ago. FML
by Aprilfools / 04/12/2009 at 6:47am / United States (Oregon) / Love