Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

qwertgbvcxzasdf

Search for a member

qwertgbvcxzasdf

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 92
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

qwertgbvcxzasdf's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

qwertgbvcxzasdf's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to bail my boyfriend out of jail. He got arrested because he was tugging his man-meat in the drive-thru at a McDonald's. FML

#20030745
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24915) - you deserved it (4888)

On 08/19/2012 at 10:05pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had to excuse myself from the classroom so I could have a quick wank. This was because I somehow got extremely horny during a lesson on frog reproduction. FML

#19598772
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11129) - you deserved it (36378)

On 05/09/2012 at 6:19pm - intimacy - by polimeros (man) - Mexico (Queretaro de Arteaga)

Today, my boyfriend would rather jerk off than have sex with me. Even if I'm next to him in bed. FML

#19121562
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29470) - you deserved it (5838)

On 02/20/2012 at 9:23am - intimacy - by Gabi - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was texting the guy I like. He's really smart, funny, athletic, and cute. This all changed when he told me he was jacking off. FML

#18956321
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24375) - you deserved it (8002)

On 01/30/2012 at 9:50pm - intimacy - by idrathernotgiveoutmyname (woman) - Canada

Today, I played Call Of Duty online against someone who turned out to be wanking. FML

#18897054
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23806) - you deserved it (6802)

On 01/24/2012 at 5:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had to sit through 10 minutes of hearing a man on the tram tell his friend in explicit detail about all the filthy sex acts he'd like to do to me. His friend told him to take a photo to jack off to later. When I tried to tell the tram driver, he told me to "take it as a compliment." FML

#18851241
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36208) - you deserved it (3978)

On 01/19/2012 at 3:32am - intimacy - by missprude666 (woman) - Australia

Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

#18749585
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17233) - you deserved it (31326)

On 01/08/2012 at 7:43pm - intimacy - by caught - United States (Washington)

Today, I was wanking and starting thinking about why the Simpsons are yellow, and how that came to be. I haven't been laid in 4 years and my ADD is so crippling that I can't jack off. FML

#18567252
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29547) - you deserved it (5593)

On 12/21/2011 at 1:18am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

#18556841
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8892) - you deserved it (44697)

On 12/19/2011 at 9:29pm - intimacy - by Colton (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been using my moisturiser as lube when he wanks. It's $90 per bottle. FML

#18542625
337 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32769) - you deserved it (15814)

On 12/18/2011 at 5:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML

#17497068
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33093) - you deserved it (5619)

On 08/17/2011 at 2:50am - intimacy - by Frank (man) - United States (California)

Today, the closest I came to doing something that could be vaguely construed as "constructive" was wanking and crying. Sometimes simultaneously. FML

#17361145
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10356) - you deserved it (24173)

On 08/03/2011 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML

#17261824
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33877) - you deserved it (8258)

On 07/26/2011 at 12:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML

#16667115
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36652) - you deserved it (14233)

On 06/14/2011 at 9:17pm - intimacy - by Username - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, I went to see "Black Swan" with my parents, not realizing that it was basically a porno. So I sat next to my dad while Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman had passionate lesbian sex on a twenty foot screen. And I'm pretty sure I heard the old guy behind us jacking off. FML

#14689182
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35023) - you deserved it (6443)

On 01/23/2011 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New York)



FML's blog

  • Gragrou's illustrated FML
  • One day, cats will rule the world, but not today, there's a bit of tin foil stuck under the couch. The Internet and cats is quite the love story, everybody knows that. A very serious study that was done…

Friday 26 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: