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Today, I was at a store and came across a Halloween candy isle. I got so excited that I began talking to the candy, in a fake British accent. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4324) - you totally deserved it (24590)
On 10/18/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by mojozk (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I passed my kidney stone. After thirteen hours of pain free joy, another one appeared. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17667) - you totally deserved it (801)
On 10/14/2009 at 12:37am - misc - by kidneystoner - United States (Texas)
Today, my 15 year old sister came home at 4am totally stoned. My parents treated her really nicely and woke me up. I'm now grounded until I go college for being a bad influence. I volunteer at schools to talk about abusing drugs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34036) - you totally deserved it (1495)
On 09/13/2009 at 2:19pm - kids - by BigSister (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, I got written up at work for making a customer feel bad. I made him feel bad by laughing uncontrollably at him when he asked if we sold real light sabers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32834) - you totally deserved it (7766)
On 08/31/2009 at 1:18am - work - by Timmah (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I went to get food, I was late so my friend ordered for me. I took a few bites and it was getting hard to breathe. I realized it's a bluebery muffin, I'm deathly allergic. I look to my friend, she was laughing saying she wanted to see if it was true. I just got out of the hospital. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46473) - you totally deserved it (2895)
On 08/27/2009 at 12:07am - health - by Hellohaileyexoh (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML
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On 08/10/2009 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I received a $250 ticket when I parked my car, that has the disabled placard, in a handicapped spot at a Wal-Mart. The officer said she watched me get out of the car and walk to store without appearing to be disabled. I'm 59 years old, have a steel rod in my spine and a prosthetic hip. FML
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On 08/04/2009 at 10:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my brother's best friend spent the night and was changing with the door partially open. He's super hot and as I was watching him change, he sneezed. Forgetting he didn't know I was watching him, I said bless you. He called me a freak, slammed the door in my face and told my parents. FML
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On 08/02/2009 at 6:03pm - misc - by jeeperspeepers (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The cop was hot so I flirted with him as much as I could. But when he came back to the car he still gave me a ticket. Feeling desperate I said, "I thought you didn't give tickets to pretty girls", his response, "We don't". FML
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On 07/31/2009 at 9:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)
Today, my son decided to come out of the closet by wearing a shirt that said "Mom, I'm gay" to the family reunion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27904) - you totally deserved it (14031)
On 07/25/2009 at 5:14pm - kids - by Mom (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I got back to work from a 3 week vacation. My boss had asked me to get him something so when I returned I presented him with a shotglass with the British flag on it. I later found out that he is a recovering alcoholic. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26740) - you totally deserved it (4293)
On 07/17/2009 at 8:07am - work - by mrmatt008 (man) - France
Today, I was hit by a car. My sister ran to see if her phone I was carrying in my purse was okay. She screamed at me while I lay in the street because I was so dumb, and that I couldn't even watch for cars. Her screen was cracked. I had to call 911 for myself. FML
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On 07/15/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by hockey9797 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I finally got the courage to tell my parents that I'm gay. My mom said "Yeah, we know." When I asked how they knew, my dad, without looking up from the tv, said, "We've been monitoring your Internet history." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31254) - you totally deserved it (9192)
On 06/29/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by Asterisk1009 (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was getting ready for my first date with a boy I really like when my dad insisted on meeting him. My dad is super protective and a cop. He cleaned his gun in front of my date and made it clear he had to be careful with me. My date started to cry when we got to the car. FML
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On 05/28/2009 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, I took a bath with what I thought was my waterproof vibrator. It wasn't. Apparently my boyfriend found me passed out in the tub from an electric shock with my vibrator floating next to me. He refused to call a doctor and insisted on interrogating me about what he's doing wrong in bed. FML
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On 05/01/2009 at 5:46am - misc - by uhoh (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)
