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Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML


I agree, your life sucks (105240) - you deserved it (24171)

On 05/06/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Familyskank (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, we watched a movie in French class. I went on a French exchange last year, so I wanted to sound all impressive and cultured for my crush who is in the same class. I said that it was my favorite movie and I couldn't wait to watch it with everyone. The movie turned out to be about incest. FML


I agree, your life sucks (9335) - you deserved it (80931)

On 05/04/2009 at 10:41pm - misc - by daddyslittlegirl250 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML


I agree, your life sucks (292882) - you deserved it (19735)

On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML


I agree, your life sucks (38742) - you deserved it (98413)

On 04/21/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mother called me downstairs to give me what I assumed was going to be "The Talk" (About four years too late). So she sits me down, holds my hands, and with the gentlest, most motherly expression on her face tells me, "Honey, if you ever come home pregnant, I'll kill you and the baby." FML

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML


I agree, your life sucks (515402) - you deserved it (33030)

On 04/19/2009 at 12:05am - intimacy - by soontobedivorced (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, brand new cocktail dress: $300. Matching peep toe heels: $100. Getting my hair done at the salon: $80. Treating myself to a mani/pedi: $50. When finally meeting the guy I have been chatting online with for 2 months, I find out he's my cousin: priceless. FML

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42285) - you deserved it (138793)

On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML


I agree, your life sucks (96511) - you deserved it (28893)

On 04/07/2009 at 2:37pm - work - by aviators (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML


I agree, your life sucks (381272) - you deserved it (43705)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. When he told me I had tennis elbow I said "that's funny I don't play tennis". Then he asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I said no he said "Well I guess we solved this one." FML


I agree, your life sucks (76150) - you deserved it (19965)

On 04/04/2009 at 12:34am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

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