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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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qqqppp

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qqqppp
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 42217
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About qqqppp : I'm not sure many people understand what "pics or it didn't happen" actually means. No, I am not accusing anybody of posting fake FML's. Quite the contrary, in fact. "pics or it didn't happen" is an internet phrase thrown around pretty often now, as a mock request for pictures of situations that may be suggestive in any way.

Calm down, assholes.

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qqqppp's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

#2244608 (463)

I agree, your life sucks (30239) - you deserved it (98454)

On 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by helloitsbrian6969 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a short pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you too." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML

#1713391 (120)

I agree, your life sucks (46245) - you deserved it (3875)

On 05/07/2009 at 8:39am - love - by TrulyYours (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I pissed my younger brother off. Seemingly unrelated to this was the fact that I left my laptop on in my room along with MSN signed into my email adress. Now, all my contacts know that I apparently "just love the warm feeling of semen sliding down my throat". FML

#1667670 (191)

I agree, your life sucks (36829) - you deserved it (23335)

On 05/05/2009 at 5:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my coworker sent an email to the whole company asking us to fill in a survey. I've been secretly seeing her for two months, so I responded with "sure thing baby, and by the way I ran out of condoms, can you bring more for tonight?" I accidentally hit reply all. FML

#1489394 (84)

I agree, your life sucks (10382) - you deserved it (62979)

On 04/30/2009 at 12:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML

#1485215 (493)

I agree, your life sucks (81567) - you deserved it (11213)

On 04/30/2009 at 8:15am - intimacy - by soooyeah (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML

#1475511 (142)

I agree, your life sucks (67253) - you deserved it (5550)

On 04/29/2009 at 10:11pm - love - by cgold (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house.I've been a vegetarian for 4 years, and his mother made lasagna with meat in it. After telling her I don't eat meat, my boyfriend's father says "we know whose meat she does eat." My boyfriend, his mother, and I were standing right there. FML

#1475433 (211)

I agree, your life sucks (58833) - you deserved it (6737)

On 04/29/2009 at 10:09pm - intimacy - by ohmyx3 (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, as I was washing the dishes, I felt what I thought was a mosquito on my leg. I kicked at it with my foot only to realize that I had just kicked my adopted puppy in the face. Now, whenever I come into a room, he runs to the corner and pees. FML

#1286671 (345)

I agree, your life sucks (19498) - you deserved it (62657)

On 04/24/2009 at 11:18am - animals - by Anonymousagb (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, my husband and I were talking about names for our expectant child. I told him since I named our daughter he could name our son. He's decided on a name from 'God of War'. My son is going to be named after a make-believe cartoon character - Kratos. FML

#1182028 (639)

I agree, your life sucks (42009) - you deserved it (21569)

On 04/21/2009 at 12:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mother called me downstairs to give me what I assumed was going to be "The Talk" (About four years too late). So she sits me down, holds my hands, and with the gentlest, most motherly expression on her face tells me, "Honey, if you ever come home pregnant, I'll kill you and the baby." FML

#1135948 (299)

I agree, your life sucks (91781) - you deserved it (8816)

On 04/19/2009 at 10:09pm - health - by Litterbox (woman) - United States (Texas)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, My girlfriend and I were watching TV, randomly she starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited she says to me "Just Joking". FML

#946704 (297)

I agree, your life sucks (109274) - you deserved it (14451)

On 04/13/2009 at 9:44am - intimacy - by Hikara (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I got a haircut for the first time in almost a year. I thought it looked really nice and made me look good. On my way to CVS, I ran into one of my friends. He examined me and said, "You look... like a crack whore." FML

#919205 (49)

I agree, your life sucks (34451) - you deserved it (3581)

On 04/11/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was playing with my pet hamster and I decided to put it down my pants for fun. It started running around and I actually got aroused. My mom then walked into my room to see me with an erection and my pet hamster poking his head out of the hole in my boxers. FML

#878433 (735)

I agree, your life sucks (29256) - you deserved it (210173)

On 04/08/2009 at 10:14pm - intimacy - by hammylove (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

#837103 (577)

I agree, your life sucks (40701) - you deserved it (114321)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

#836792 (843)

I agree, your life sucks (228719) - you deserved it (19504)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)