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Today, I had a horrible breakup with my girlfriend of two years. In my depressive state, I changed my Facebook status to the Blue October lyrics "Hate me today, Hate me tomorrow, Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you." My ex commented, "Give me an orgasm?" Five of my friends including my mom "Liked" this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33183) - you totally deserved it (12688)
On 08/11/2009 at 2:40am - love - by JazzSpazz (man) - United States (California)
Today, I discovered my wife has been smoking weed for the past 2 years before she has sex with me. She said it was the only way she could force herself to have sex with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46906) - you totally deserved it (3958)
On 07/31/2009 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (204855) - you totally deserved it (7551)
On 04/19/2009 at 12:05am - intimacy - by soontobedivorced (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I turned 18. Nothing was said at breakfast, but I figured they'd remember and we'd have cake at night. I came home and there was cake, but not for me. My sister got her period for the first time during the day and they were celebrating. Apparently, a vaginal discharge was more important. FML
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On 04/18/2009 at 4:49am - health - by Legal (man) - United States (Hawaii)
Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (188678) - you totally deserved it (6684)
On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (158839) - you totally deserved it (10780)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML
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On 04/03/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by rebekah (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I decided to take a nap. My boyfriend gave me some sleeping pills but I decided last minute not to take them. I woke up to my boyfriend kissing my neck and unbuttoning my shirt. Without opening my eyes, I whispered "ooh this is so romantic." He blurted out shocked, "Oh...you're awake?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (149908) - you totally deserved it (9551)
On 04/01/2009 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was wearing my workout clothes that consist of short shorts and a tank top and was walking to my car. I then heard a bunch of men whistling and saying "Who's your daddy?" and "Why don't you come over here, cutie." As I got closer I realized that it was my dad and his friends. FML
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On 03/18/2009 at 6:51pm - misc - by Alex (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML
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On 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by KAAALIS (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my boyfriend called, asking, before I could even talk, to bring a condom- NOW. I had to smile at this request. I went to his house. A blond girl opened the door. He followed shortly, surprised to see me. I'm Celine. She's Cecile. Our names are one apart on his cell. She's my sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (101301) - you totally deserved it (4034)
On 03/11/2009 at 2:26pm - love - by manticora (woman) - Tunisia (Bizerte)
Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML
I agree, your life sucks (83050) - you totally deserved it (2458)
On 03/10/2009 at 9:10pm - misc - by TuralSucks (man) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I went on a walk with the guy I like. He held my hand, so I decided to tell him that I had feelings for him. He said that he had feelings for me too. I smiled and leaned in to kiss him. He put his hand on my face and pushed it away, and said "until your acne clears, we are NOT together." FML
I agree, your life sucks (130300) - you totally deserved it (11775)
On 03/07/2009 at 5:18pm - misc - by Noname - United States (California)
Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (154803) - you totally deserved it (8995)
On 03/05/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (353516) - you totally deserved it (15281)
On 02/28/2009 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Virginia)
