Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

pyromaniac9

Offline (yesterday at 10:12am) | Search for a member

pyromaniac9

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 124
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

pyromaniac9's page activity

Visits<b>jack_jill05</b> - the 08/06/2014 at 7:53pm<b>swaggym</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 10:10pm<b>Vanillanougat</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 7:26pm<b>Deniika18</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 1:52pm<b>mesutozil11</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 12:26am<b>MzZombicidal</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 12:55pm<b>B5B0N35</b> - the 04/20/2013 at 1:43am

pyromaniac9's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

See all of pyromaniac9's badges

pyromaniac9's favorite FMLs

Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML

#21202372
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41432) - you deserved it (2994)

On 07/08/2014 at 12:26am - work - by MaddyN - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was going to the bathroom at work. When I stood up, I noticed a little button on the side. I pressed it and the toilet flushed. I've worked there for nine months and just found out today that our toilets don't flush automatically. FML

#21177356
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24171) - you deserved it (42579)

On 06/16/2014 at 10:45pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, one of my year 9 students finished the test an hour early. He decided to spend the time by "stealthily" whacking off. His entire desk was shaking in a silent room. FML

Today, someone on Instagram posted a picture of himself with gym lifting straps around his neck. I commented "autoerotic asphyxiation" and now a 250-pound bodybuilder wants to kill me. FML

#21097153
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21402) - you deserved it (35750)

On 03/26/2014 at 6:39pm - health - by athletiks (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend dragged me to the local McDonald's, refusing to drive me home until he ate. When I mentioned how dangerous that part of town is, he stopped and went all Walter White on me in front of everyone, spouting lines like "I AM the danger" and "I'M the one who knocks, babe." FML

#20840638
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35971) - you deserved it (5502)

On 08/16/2013 at 5:33pm - misc - by that's methed up, darling (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was about to make a left turn. In the turn lane a little old lady was waiting for the light to change. On the back of her car was a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus!" I gave her a honk and waved. She leaned out and yelled, "The light's red, asshole." FML

#20786059
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45282) - you deserved it (13448)

On 07/16/2013 at 9:12am - misc - by TNDriver (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I came home in tears over finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I told my seemingly sympathetic dad everything. His advice was to lure them both to our house with the promise of a three-way, after which he'd "kill the shit" out of them. Real mature, dad. FML

#20568440
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34340) - you deserved it (6295)

On 03/31/2013 at 1:55pm - love - by immaturity all around (woman) - United States

Today, I was chatting with a co-worker, and she mentioned she has trouble swallowing pills. I replied that I'm lucky, because I have next to no gag reflex. Half the guys at the other registers abruptly went silent, and I'm now being constantly hit on. FML

#20564125
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33513) - you deserved it (15298)

On 03/28/2013 at 4:56pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - France (Champagne-Ardenne)

Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML

#20451560
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30675) - you deserved it (8776)

On 01/10/2013 at 7:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Slovakia

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

#18465913
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10994) - you deserved it (87355)

On 12/09/2011 at 1:11am - misc - by blondie101 - United States

Today, I was taking a crap in a public stall when three kids broke down the door and pelted me with eggs. FML

#15846054
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46228) - you deserved it (5687)

On 04/19/2011 at 11:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my roommate thought it would be a good idea to show me his huge new tarantula despite knowing that I have extremely severe arachnophobia. I ended up killing it with a book and apparently now owe him $500. FML

#15624701
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27689) - you deserved it (16029)

On 04/03/2011 at 7:20pm - misc - by QWERTY -

Today, I forgot to take my wallet off the roof of my car and drove away, onto the highway. A man behind me began flashing his lights and waving his arms. I thought he was freaking out because I cut him off. I flipped him off. He was trying to tell me that all my money was flying down the road. FML

#1047617
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7797) - you deserved it (76405)

On 04/17/2009 at 2:12am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)



FML's blog

  • FML's Labor Day BBQ
  • The first Monday of September is a holiday in some countries, and is supposed to celebrate Labor Day. So, this means you do nothing to celebrate doing something. I'm confused.  For those of us who…

Monday 1 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: