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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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premiermois

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premiermois
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 11 January 1992 (20 years)
  • Number of visits : 17447
  • Number of comments : 272
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

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premiermois's favorite FMLs

Today, I was helping clean my grandpa's garage when I found some of his old election posters from the '50s. They included slogans such as, "Dick: you know it feels right" and "Want growth? Choose Dick." I'm not sure whether to be disgusted or impressed. FML

#17279382 (147)

I agree, your life sucks (8415) - you deserved it (1393)

On 07/27/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Nick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One of the ideas was for the guy to whip his knob out, stand behind his girl and say "Can you say that into the microphone?" Now he does it every chance he gets, and I fall for it EVERY TIME. FML

#16542323 (119)

I agree, your life sucks (7318) - you deserved it (24451)

On 06/07/2011 at 3:50am - intimacy - by Kate (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML

#7420693 (286)

I agree, your life sucks (38446) - you deserved it (5694)

On 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had a meeting with the CEO about a promising job with good pay and benefits. Upon meeting, we immediately recognized each other. He was someone I used to make fun of in school all the time. He responded by refusing to interview me and had security throw me out by force. Karma bites. FML

#5527789 (266)

I agree, your life sucks (5432) - you deserved it (68207)

On 09/28/2009 at 2:31pm - work - by SucksToBeMe (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I pulled someone over for speeding. He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine. It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wearing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine. FML

#5309221 (402)

I agree, your life sucks (16596) - you deserved it (57175)

On 09/17/2009 at 6:57am - work - by auscop (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his family. They were drinking and having fun, so I joined in. I had one too many, got really goofy and then suggested the farting game. "Sorry, I can't hold my liquor!" I quickly explained. My boyfriend's mom shot me a cold look and said, "It's non-alcoholic." FML

#4622066 (236)

I agree, your life sucks (7067) - you deserved it (61316)

On 08/18/2009 at 4:04am - misc - by probably_the_ex_now (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was in the car for 8 hours driving home from North Carolina with my family. We brought my dog along and I was petting her for most of the ride. I thought she fell asleep, so I continued to play with her. She never woke up. I played with a dead dog for almost an hour and a half. FML

#4464455 (128)

I agree, your life sucks (48984) - you deserved it (2750)

On 08/12/2009 at 12:13am - animals - by jennabean (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was working the lighting for a drama production. In the last scene, two characters realize they are in love and kiss, then the stage goes dark. I mixed up my settings, and instead of a blackout, flashing party lights started going off. 300 people turn around to stare at me. FML

#4285773 (130)

I agree, your life sucks (11229) - you deserved it (24577)

On 08/04/2009 at 4:22pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, in the shower, a dime fell on my foot. The only place it could have come from? One of my fat rolls. FML

#3159072 (341)

I agree, your life sucks (23499) - you deserved it (57367)

On 06/23/2009 at 10:37pm - health - by FattyMcFatterson (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I found out that my 'girlfriend', who I've been emailing with, was really my friend playing a prank on me. He asked me for naked pictures of myself and I sent them to him. FML

#2842632 (211)

I agree, your life sucks (17199) - you deserved it (53197)

On 06/12/2009 at 9:47pm - love - by Paco4242 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML

#2514787 (231)

I agree, your life sucks (22285) - you deserved it (46277)

On 06/01/2009 at 9:53pm - health - by dearme (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was at a mall. A woman stopped by me, said slowly and loudly, in Spanish "baño?" Knowing a bit of Spanish, I nodded and pointed the restrooms out for her. She then mutters about "dang Mexicans and their inability to speak English". I'm not even Latina. I'm Irish-American. FML

#2308873 (291)

I agree, your life sucks (52069) - you deserved it (2369)

On 05/26/2009 at 1:45pm - misc - by Anon (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I was preparing a dinner for some business associates, in hopes of closing the deal on a promotion. I emailed them with the menu, in case there were any allergies. Hours later, I checked the email again to find that instead of serving the Roast Duck I would be serving the Roast Fuck. FML

#2282414 (185)

I agree, your life sucks (15705) - you deserved it (29931)

On 05/25/2009 at 5:42pm - misc - by wordmalfunction (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML

#618013 (863)

I agree, your life sucks (43458) - you deserved it (361103)

On 03/26/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Tourist (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

#279733 (538)

I agree, your life sucks (34537) - you deserved it (220488)

On 03/12/2009 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)