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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24317) - you deserved it (67674)
On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers called a code pink in aisle 22, which means there was an attractive woman in that aisle. After hearing about how hot she was, I went over to see her for myself. It was my mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52173) - you deserved it (4038)
On 05/17/2009 at 1:46am - work - by sonofmilf (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was on a bike ride when a bug flew into my eye. Not wanting to stop, I figured I would just keep that eye closed until I could cry it out. Five seconds later, a bug flew into my other eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44816) - you deserved it (5957)
On 05/17/2009 at 1:17am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I was driving home. It was late and I wanted to get home so I started speeding. I didn't wanna get a ticket so I slowed down everytime I saw a car that could be a cop, judging by headlights. There was a car with a busted headlight so I sped up. Couldn't be a cop car. It could. $216 proof. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9190) - you deserved it (44600)
On 05/16/2009 at 11:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)
Today, while biking I got into a major crash with two cars. The cars were parked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8998) - you deserved it (39211)
On 05/16/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Pokerking98 - United States (Texas)
Today, I was selected to give my speech to the entire school. I was later told it had to be censored because it was inappropriate, even though I was just trying to make a point. My speech was on political correctness. My speech on political correctness was censored for political reasons. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37903) - you deserved it (3393)
On 05/16/2009 at 9:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was shopping at a supermarket. As I was about to pay for my items, I noticed the cashier was very cute. Trying to be nice, I smiled. She smiled back and said "Hello, how are you?" Instead of saying 'I'm good' or "I'm okay", I said "I'm gay". FML
I agree, your life sucks (53169) - you deserved it (21670)
On 05/16/2009 at 5:13am - misc - by UncleRory (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I walked to my local McDonald's. I spent the last 7 dollars I had on my meal. As I began to walk back to my dorm, I was mugged. I explained to them I had no money, so they stole my food. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39202) - you deserved it (2280)
On 05/14/2009 at 5:23pm - misc - by Aaron (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". FML
I agree, your life sucks (22093) - you deserved it (59287)
On 05/14/2009 at 1:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)
Today, I am wearing a panda suit for the promotion of the restaurant I work at. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47407) - you deserved it (11390)
On 05/14/2009 at 8:40am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I graduated from college and my parents gave me an apple. Not the computer, the fruit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54815) - you deserved it (3679)
On 05/13/2009 at 1:39pm - misc - by anon (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, we were running late for school so my mum shouted at me to hurry up and get in the car. I put my school bags in the boot of the car and my mum drove off. It wasn't until she got to my school and told me to get out that she realised I wasn't there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45421) - you deserved it (2670)
On 05/13/2009 at 8:36am - misc - by albert (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I rode my bike to the store because I only had a few things to pick up. When I walked back out after five minutes, my bike was stolen. I had gone to the store to buy a new bike lock. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37395) - you deserved it (8987)
On 05/12/2009 at 7:11pm - misc - by getyourownbike (woman) - United States
Today, I had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted. Under anesthesia I told the dentist my entire love life and drug history in detail. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50286) - you deserved it (12056)
On 05/12/2009 at 4:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82814) - you deserved it (3656)
On 05/12/2009 at 1:39pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Monday 20 May 2013
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