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porkchops878's FML badges
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porkchops878's favorite FMLs
Today, my daughter proudly showed me her new tattoo sleeve, which is made up of an angry cupcake, hemp leaves, and a My Little Pony character. She's almost 30, still unemployed, and still lives in my home. I now have no hope of her ever becoming a productive member of society. FML
by Anonymous / 07/27/2012 at 3:04pm / Norway (Ostfold) / Kids
Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML
by justlittleoldme / 07/25/2012 at 5:05pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work
Today, I was in line at the pharmacy when the man in front of me asked if I wanted to see a picture of a turd that looked like an uncircumcised penis. Before I had time to answer, he showed me a picture of a turd that looked like an uncircumcised penis. FML
by Uncircumcised Penis / 07/24/2012 at 5:51am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by nick / 07/23/2012 at 8:52pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, against my advice, my boyfriend decided to read Fifty Shades of Grey in an attempt to learn how to please me in bed. Now all he does is suck on my toes, and thinks it's weird that I don't spontaneously orgasm as if I'm some kind of nymphomaniacal weirdo. FML
by Anonymous / 07/23/2012 at 3:12pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
by My_Name_Is_Zach / 07/22/2012 at 11:48pm / Miscellaneous
by c / 07/22/2012 at 12:50am / United States (Louisiana) / Work
Today, a male co-worker asked me in what shape I shave my pubic hair. Jokingly, I replied that I have a very nicely trimmed dodecahedron. Now he's telling everyone at work that I have a venereal disease. FML
by butterball / 07/18/2012 at 10:41am / Israel (HaMerkaz) / Work
Today, I told a patient that we needed to collect a stool sample. I left the room momentarily to retrieve what the patient would need. He apparently didn't need anything besides the counter in the exam room. FML
by TimeForACareerChange / 07/17/2012 at 8:54pm / United States / Work
by LetItRip / 07/12/2012 at 4:35pm / Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/12/2012 at 2:40am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by moodyreallyrocks / 07/08/2012 at 8:30pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/08/2012 at 5:03pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend of seven months and I were looking at some pictures on his iPad. I saw a picture of a kid of about two years old that looked a little like him. I jokingly said, "What, is that your son?" Imagine my surprise when he said that it was. FML
by confusedbutloved / 07/08/2012 at 8:42am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by sozzy / 07/07/2012 at 3:26am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous