porkchops878

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Offline (the 09/11/2014 at 2:41am)

porkchops878

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1740
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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porkchops878's page activity

Visits<b>wackadoodle103</b> - the 07/29/2013 at 6:39pm<b>aliadream</b> - the 04/03/2013 at 8:07pm<b>_1296</b> - the 02/07/2013 at 2:49pm

porkchops878's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

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porkchops878's favorite FMLs

Today, my daughter proudly showed me her new tattoo sleeve, which is made up of an angry cupcake, hemp leaves, and a My Little Pony character. She's almost 30, still unemployed, and still lives in my home. I now have no hope of her ever becoming a productive member of society. FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2012 at 3:04pm / Norway (Ostfold) / Kids

Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML

by justlittleoldme / 07/25/2012 at 5:05pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, I was in line at the pharmacy when the man in front of me asked if I wanted to see a picture of a turd that looked like an uncircumcised penis. Before I had time to answer, he showed me a picture of a turd that looked like an uncircumcised penis. FML

by Uncircumcised Penis / 07/24/2012 at 5:51am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, was my daughter's birthday. I didn't know I had a daughter. FML

by nick / 07/23/2012 at 8:52pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, against my advice, my boyfriend decided to read Fifty Shades of Grey in an attempt to learn how to please me in bed. Now all he does is suck on my toes, and thinks it's weird that I don't spontaneously orgasm as if I'm some kind of nymphomaniacal weirdo. FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2012 at 3:12pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, my neighbor called me on vacation to tell me that she let my mother into my house to feed my fish. I don't have fish, and my mother passed away 3 years ago. FML

by My_Name_Is_Zach / 07/22/2012 at 11:48pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss bitched at me because my body language "indicates that you don't enjoy doing your job". I just have scoliosis. FML

by c / 07/22/2012 at 12:50am / United States (Louisiana) / Work

Today, a male co-worker asked me in what shape I shave my pubic hair. Jokingly, I replied that I have a very nicely trimmed dodecahedron. Now he's telling everyone at work that I have a venereal disease. FML

by butterball / 07/18/2012 at 10:41am / Israel (HaMerkaz) / Work

Today, I told a patient that we needed to collect a stool sample. I left the room momentarily to retrieve what the patient would need. He apparently didn't need anything besides the counter in the exam room. FML

by TimeForACareerChange / 07/17/2012 at 8:54pm / United States / Work

Today, I nailed every single move in my routine at a gymnastics competition. I then finished off with a perfect split, letting out a fart loud enough to wake up a kid in China. FML

by LetItRip / 07/12/2012 at 4:35pm / Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha) / Miscellaneous

Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen an elephant with white ears. I shook my head. He then pulled the pockets out of his shorts and whipped out his sex nose. FML

by Anonymous / 07/12/2012 at 2:40am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my wife is giving birth to our first born. I am an officer stationed overseas. Apparently, I am not only missing the birth, but I also missed the conception. FML

by moodyreallyrocks / 07/08/2012 at 8:30pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, my mom and I somehow got into a serious argument over the ethics of capturing and training Pokémon. FML

by Anonymous / 07/08/2012 at 5:03pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of seven months and I were looking at some pictures on his iPad. I saw a picture of a kid of about two years old that looked a little like him. I jokingly said, "What, is that your son?" Imagine my surprise when he said that it was. FML

by confusedbutloved / 07/08/2012 at 8:42am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to my regular pharmacist of three months, and since I've always seen him on a crutch, I asked him how his leg was. His response: "Still missing". FML

by sozzy / 07/07/2012 at 3:26am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous