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porkchops878's FML badges
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porkchops878's favorite FMLs
Today, I saw a folder on my son's PC named "PussyPictures". I sat him down for a talk, only to be told they contained pictures of the James Bond character Pussy Galore, for his essay about sexism in movies. He's now mocking me for "having a dirty mind". FML
by Anonymous / 10/27/2012 at 3:28pm / Germany (Bayern) / Kids
Today, my daughter told me that she wanted to convert to Christianity. Not because she has a strong relation with God, but because she wants to post Facebook statuses about Him and "get a lot of likes." FML
by Anonymous / 10/24/2012 at 7:06pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
by jesushelpme / 10/22/2012 at 3:08pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
by best_mom_ever / 10/19/2012 at 3:59am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids
by not as scarred as he should be / 10/18/2012 at 2:19pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by L / 10/16/2012 at 6:59pm / Norway (Sor-Trondelag) / Intimacy
by 3023-dang / 10/15/2012 at 4:27pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 10/12/2012 at 7:39pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML
by Dino / 10/12/2012 at 2:36am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by wdunn69733 / 10/11/2012 at 10:30am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML
by Failed Parent / 10/11/2012 at 2:59am / United States / Kids
Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML
by TheVirginJenny / 10/06/2012 at 8:05pm / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, my teacher's comments on my essay read, "I know it's college, but you use a lot of unnecessary words with a lot of syllables." He basically scolded me for having a complex vocabulary. I go to an accredited state university. Nothing says "America" like under-achieving professors. FML
by Anonymous / 10/03/2012 at 7:00pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, my neighbors discovered Gangnam Style. Ever since I moved in, they've had an obsession with getting wasted by noon and blasting out shitty music all through the evening. I could just about deal with their dubstep fixation before, but now I just want to blow my own head off. FML
by Can you say "bandwagon"? / 10/03/2012 at 5:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/02/2012 at 3:39pm / United States (Washington) / Health
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…
- Today, I was talking with my slightly skinflint girlfriend, who just moved in with me. “I think you… Today, I’m a babysitter for a 4 year-old little girl. All afternoon, I attended Barbie’s murder and… Today, I was driving in a straight line on a completely deserted road in the open bush. I sneezed…