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porkchops878's FML badges
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porkchops878's favorite FMLs
Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML
by awhmaaan / 02/27/2012 at 10:55am / United Kingdom / Health
by mypoolisstilldirty / 02/16/2012 at 11:26am / Australia / Miscellaneous
by sharpie2792 / 02/15/2012 at 2:26pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/15/2012 at 7:46am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by kittens go meow / 02/14/2012 at 7:35pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
Today, I sat in my boss' office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML
by great / 02/10/2012 at 4:33pm / United States / Work
Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML
by crybaby / 02/01/2012 at 3:19am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
Today, I submitted my 208th job application in less than a year, and went to my 83rd and 84th interviews, only to be told once again that I'm over-qualified for the first, and under-qualified for the second. FML
by hastobeajoke / 01/31/2012 at 1:45pm / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, I finally made the last payment on the beautiful engagement ring I bought and proposed with - two years ago. To my ex-girlfriend, who said no and promptly started sleeping with one of my friends. FML
by brokeandsingle / 01/29/2012 at 4:55am / United Kingdom (York) / Love
Today, my boyfriend gave me twelve roses and told me that he would love me until the last one dies. Remembering the Facebook like, I began looking for the fake one but couldn't find it. When I pointed out that all twelve were real and would die within days, he responded, "Exactly." FML
by Shelly P. / 01/28/2012 at 7:10pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
by tannarox / 01/28/2012 at 10:46am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I met my son for the first time since I had to put him up for adoption over two decades ago. I wanted to make amends and get to know him. Instead, all I got to know was how well he can throw a punch. FML
by me / 01/13/2012 at 8:38pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/13/2012 at 5:58pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by lababy / 11/15/2011 at 12:20pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend threatened to leave me if I didn't follow her latest fad of becoming a goth, which involves dressing like an undertaker's haunted hearse and putting on eyeliner. Last week she was into Reggae and beanie hats. FML
by Anonymous / 11/09/2011 at 7:27am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
- Today, I was trying to get my car out of my boyfriend's apartment garage but couldn't. Why? Because… Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get intimate for the first time. He said he didn't want to… Today, I was trying on bikinis at a local store. When I put my pants back on, my foot got stuck, I…