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porkchops878's FML badges
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porkchops878's favorite FMLs
Today, after having been told that I looked horrible for the last five months, I decided to give myself a make-over. As soon as the make-up artist was done, I told her I didn't like it, and that I still didn't like how I look. She simply replied: ''Well, I'm a make-up artist, not a magician!'' FML
by Anonymous / 04/05/2012 at 8:36am / Netherlands / Miscellaneous
Today, while talking to my girlfriend, the subject of Darth Vader came up. That's when she asked me, "Aren't Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker the same person?" I don't know what's worse, the fact that she asked me that, or the fact that I got upset over her lack of Star Wars knowledge. FML
by Nadaz / 04/05/2012 at 7:29am / United States (North Carolina) / Geek
by displeased / 04/05/2012 at 2:47am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by Badchristian / 04/05/2012 at 12:17am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by KatieB / 04/04/2012 at 5:11pm / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Intimacy
Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML
by screaming monkey / 04/04/2012 at 6:13am / United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead) / Health
Today, I learned that an inspired gardening spree is not as fulfilling as some would have us believe. One punctured hand, cactussed foot and bruised ankle later, I'm beginning to regret waking up this morning and thinking, "What the hell, I'll nuke the shit out of some weeds." FML
by Baustigt / 03/28/2012 at 7:19am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous
by Mandy / 03/26/2012 at 6:21pm / United States / Health
Today, I found out my 12 year old daughter is going through a bit of an "emotional" stage. I got a call from her school saying she was sitting in the corner at recess trying to cut her wrist. With a plastic spoon. FML
by ohhdear.___. / 03/26/2012 at 10:54am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by stupdude3 / 03/26/2012 at 10:51am / United States / Miscellaneous
by pmek / 03/26/2012 at 5:11am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/22/2012 at 4:17pm / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 03/22/2012 at 1:13am / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, I was waiting for a call from a job I had applied for. When the phone rang, I ran as fast I could up the stairs, falling and slamming my shin on the way. The call? It was a woman asking me, "Hi, do you have time to learn about our lord Jesus Christ?" FML
by Atheist / 03/22/2012 at 12:56am / United States (Oregon) / Work
by lovefortoday / 03/13/2012 at 12:50pm / United States (Indiana) / Work
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…