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porkchops878's FML badges
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porkchops878's favorite FMLs
by ugh / 04/21/2012 at 1:12am / United States (Georgia) / Transportation
Today, driving home, I got bored and started debating how I know this is reality and not just a dream, even though dreams often seem real. The answer came quickly; in my dreams, I work normal hours and have time for things like hanging out with friends, and having a girlfriend. FML
by metalwolf / 04/20/2012 at 4:56am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally asked some friends to read the beginning of a novel that I'd been slaving away at. One of them said it was the literary equivalent of aquarium gravel. Another asked if I'd been sniffing boot polish while writing it. FML
by Anonymous / 04/19/2012 at 12:46am / United States (Nevada) / Work
by caitlinz5 / 04/18/2012 at 12:55pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I heard that my ex-girlfriend was spreading scurrilous rumours about me all over our university. It appears that I distribute white supremacist propaganda, and that my sexual fantasies involve animals and vegetation. FML
by Anonymous / 04/18/2012 at 6:59am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/18/2012 at 3:18am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a one-inch fish bone stuck in my throat. I went to the doctor, who claimed he couldn't see the long white thing embedded next to my tonsil. He charged me $70, and told me to eat some bread. I had to pull it out myself with a pair of tweezers. FML
by Merlin / 04/17/2012 at 1:37pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health
by SeeingLlamas / 04/17/2012 at 5:38am / United States (Tennessee) / Health
Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
by Anonymous / 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML
by potassiumgirl / 04/11/2012 at 3:53pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by vanessax / 04/11/2012 at 1:04am / United States (Indiana) / Kids
Today, while my mom was driving me to work, we drove past a lake with an old wooden dock. She stopped the car, pointed and said, "Some guy fucked me right there. I got a splinter in my butt, though, so we finished in his car." FML
by Anonymous / 04/10/2012 at 1:47pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/09/2012 at 1:15am / United States / Money
by claudio117 / 04/08/2012 at 5:16am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
by ladylarni / 04/07/2012 at 4:20am / Australia / Love
- 1Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 2Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 3Today, my kids overheard me talking about cleaning the fuel system in our RV before we go to Disney…
- Today, my girlfriend put a paper bag over my head while we had sex. Her reason? Because she thinks… Today, I went on a road trip with my boyfriend and his best friend. What I thought was going to be… Today, I overheard a conversation between my boyfriend and his best friend about how to shave one's…