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porkchops878's FML badges
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porkchops878's favorite FMLs
Today, I'm cheering myself up about being newly single by having a sleepover with my best friends. Their boyfriends have all decided to sleep over as well though, so I'm currently alone in a corridor with nothing but the sound of all my friends having loud sex to keep me company. FML
by coffeeshopgirl / 05/07/2012 at 8:25pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
by me / 05/07/2012 at 4:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by madseason / 05/06/2012 at 8:13pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I got my colonoscopy results back. I had hoped they'd show what's been causing my stomach pains for the last few weeks, but instead it turns out that my colon is healthy and normal. I basically got cornholed for no goddamn reason. FML
by billiams15 / 05/06/2012 at 5:57pm / United States (Texas) / Health
by geez_wth / 05/06/2012 at 7:54am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML
by doggone / 05/05/2012 at 7:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
by authorsubmit / 05/04/2012 at 8:49am / United States / Health
by CharlieOrion / 05/04/2012 at 8:25am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Health
Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML
by viviham / 05/04/2012 at 8:08am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, I had a chest x-ray. I thought everything was okay, that is until the tech gasped slightly and muttered, "Mother of God." I asked him what was wrong, and he kept insisting he had no idea what I was talking about. Now I'm so upset I can't even sleep. FML
by Anonymous / 05/02/2012 at 6:41pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Health
Today, I had a date with the girl I've been interested in for months. I'm pretty laid-back and casual with my friends, which backfired and caused the date to end with a slap, when I greeted her with a friendly "S'up, slut?" FML
by f*ck / 05/02/2012 at 12:22pm / United States / Love
by Monkeyless / 05/01/2012 at 11:59pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Animals
by lowlife123 / 04/30/2012 at 11:01pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
by sockmonkey / 04/30/2012 at 10:21pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by zomg / 04/30/2012 at 5:24am / United States (Florida) / Work
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…