Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

porkchops878

Offline (the 09/11/2014 at 2:41am) | Search for a member

porkchops878

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1380
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

porkchops878's page activity

Visits<b>wackadoodle103</b> - the 07/29/2013 at 6:39pm<b>aliadream</b> - the 04/03/2013 at 8:07pm<b>_1296</b> - the 02/07/2013 at 2:49pm

porkchops878's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of porkchops878's badges

porkchops878's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he would still love me if I became a vegetable. His response: "Well, the sex wouldn't be any different." FML

#19591291
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17410) - you deserved it (31397)

On 05/08/2012 at 7:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I'm cheering myself up about being newly single by having a sleepover with my best friends. Their boyfriends have all decided to sleep over as well though, so I'm currently alone in a corridor with nothing but the sound of all my friends having loud sex to keep me company. FML

#19588990
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36729) - you deserved it (3971)

On 05/07/2012 at 8:25pm - intimacy - by coffeeshopgirl (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I got an inconvenient erection while at my girlfriends house, so I tried to think of something stupid to get rid of it. I tried thinking of Pokémon, which actually made me harder. FML

#19587857
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24948) - you deserved it (10296)

On 05/07/2012 at 4:38pm - intimacy - by me (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I confronted my girlfriend about cheating on me. Her response was that it's not cheating since she is getting paid. FML

#19583870
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42147) - you deserved it (4428)

On 05/06/2012 at 8:13pm - intimacy - by madseason (man) - United States

Today, I got my colonoscopy results back. I had hoped they'd show what's been causing my stomach pains for the last few weeks, but instead it turns out that my colon is healthy and normal. I basically got cornholed for no goddamn reason. FML

#19583210
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18614) - you deserved it (3745)

On 05/06/2012 at 5:57pm - health - by billiams15 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a dream I was on the toilet taking the longest piss known to man. Unfortunately, it was partially true. FML

Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML

#19578544
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17512) - you deserved it (29988)

On 05/05/2012 at 7:07pm - animals - by doggone - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped. FML

#19572377
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14323) - you deserved it (43743)

On 05/04/2012 at 8:49am - health - by authorsubmit - United States

Today, the school nurse called me in. She said she knew I was pregnant and she was worried about how it was affecting my grades. I'm not pregnant. Apparently I'm just stupid and fat. FML

Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML

#19572319
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30852) - you deserved it (1934)

On 05/04/2012 at 8:08am - work - by viviham - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a chest x-ray. I thought everything was okay, that is until the tech gasped slightly and muttered, "Mother of God." I asked him what was wrong, and he kept insisting he had no idea what I was talking about. Now I'm so upset I can't even sleep. FML

#19564735
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30393) - you deserved it (2138)

On 05/02/2012 at 6:41pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I had a date with the girl I've been interested in for months. I'm pretty laid-back and casual with my friends, which backfired and caused the date to end with a slap, when I greeted her with a friendly "S'up, slut?" FML

#19563224
355 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6806) - you deserved it (88327)

On 05/02/2012 at 12:22pm - love - by f*ck (man) - United States

Today, it was confirmed that the "no pet rule" in my apartment complex is so strict that I'm not even allowed to have sea monkeys. FML

#19561558
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23627) - you deserved it (2503)

On 05/01/2012 at 11:59pm - animals - by Monkeyless (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I found out my boyfriend gave me a surprise birthday present: herpes. FML

#19556007
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39713) - you deserved it (6883)

On 04/30/2012 at 11:01pm - intimacy - by lowlife123 (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my parents decided on my punishment for failing an English test. No deodorant for a week. They think they're so hilarious, they told all their friends and now it's all over Facebook. FML

#19555770
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25485) - you deserved it (3725)

On 04/30/2012 at 10:21pm - misc - by sockmonkey (woman) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: