This member hasn't filled in their description.
porkchops878's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
porkchops878's favorite FMLs
Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML
by Anonymous / 11/10/2013 at 6:27pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
by jsyn / 11/09/2013 at 6:27pm / United States (Connecticut) / Money
by probablydodgedabullet / 11/08/2013 at 6:30am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by highlydisgusted / 10/15/2013 at 11:10pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by EconM / 10/03/2013 at 11:38am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I got my girlfriend to play Smash Bros Brawl with me. As it was her first time, I set up handicaps to give her at least a shot at winning. She won, quite handily. A little irritated at this, I took off the handicaps and tried again. She beat me even faster. FML
by Loser / 08/21/2013 at 11:17am / United States / Geek
by JustSomeGuy / 07/29/2013 at 11:43pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by confusedmofo / 07/29/2013 at 2:35am / Indonesia / Love
Today, I actually had to teach my 9-year-old brother how to pour himself a glass of milk, after he burst out in tears when my sister told him to do it himself. His astonishing ignorance also extends to basic hygiene. FML
by Anonymous / 07/04/2013 at 12:27pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Kids
Today, it was the second anniversary of the day I met my girlfriend. I had to go to work, but I set an engagement ring and a letter on my pillow for when she woke up, and left breakfast for her on the counter. When I got home, she and all of her things were gone. FML
by foreveralone / 06/23/2013 at 10:42am / United States / Love
Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML
by Anonymous / 06/23/2013 at 6:38am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/22/2013 at 2:39am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
by whatno / 06/19/2013 at 7:40pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by young grandpa / 06/17/2013 at 6:49pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids
Today, I woke up to my bratty younger sister cutting through my hair with a pair of scissors. I now look like a freak, and my mum bitched me out for being angry, all because my sister claimed she'd been sleep-walking. Her demented smirk said otherwise. FML
by Anonymous / 06/16/2013 at 2:49pm / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Kids
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, at lunch, my seven-year-old daughter and I had a chat. I asked her if she had a sweetheart.… Today, I threw up when I got home because I'd been drinking with friends. My parents asked what was… Today, I took a restroom break in a Japanese train station. I couldn’t find the toilet flush, so I…