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porkchops878's FML badges
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porkchops878's favorite FMLs
Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML
by Anonymous / 11/10/2013 at 6:27pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
by jsyn / 11/09/2013 at 6:27pm / United States (Connecticut) / Money
by probablydodgedabullet / 11/08/2013 at 6:30am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by highlydisgusted / 10/15/2013 at 11:10pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by EconM / 10/03/2013 at 11:38am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I got my girlfriend to play Smash Bros Brawl with me. As it was her first time, I set up handicaps to give her at least a shot at winning. She won, quite handily. A little irritated at this, I took off the handicaps and tried again. She beat me even faster. FML
by Loser / 08/21/2013 at 11:17am / United States / Geek
by JustSomeGuy / 07/29/2013 at 11:43pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by confusedmofo / 07/29/2013 at 2:35am / Indonesia / Love
Today, I actually had to teach my 9-year-old brother how to pour himself a glass of milk, after he burst out in tears when my sister told him to do it himself. His astonishing ignorance also extends to basic hygiene. FML
by Anonymous / 07/04/2013 at 12:27pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Kids
Today, it was the second anniversary of the day I met my girlfriend. I had to go to work, but I set an engagement ring and a letter on my pillow for when she woke up, and left breakfast for her on the counter. When I got home, she and all of her things were gone. FML
by foreveralone / 06/23/2013 at 10:42am / United States / Love
Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML
by Anonymous / 06/23/2013 at 6:38am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/22/2013 at 2:39am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
by whatno / 06/19/2013 at 7:40pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by young grandpa / 06/17/2013 at 6:49pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids
Today, I woke up to my bratty younger sister cutting through my hair with a pair of scissors. I now look like a freak, and my mum bitched me out for being angry, all because my sister claimed she'd been sleep-walking. Her demented smirk said otherwise. FML
by Anonymous / 06/16/2013 at 2:49pm / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Kids
- Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, I’m in Rome for Halloween. I went out with few friends and spent the night with a man. The… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the…