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Today, in the doctor's waiting room, a little boy asked me for a cookie. I told him that I didn't have any. He replied, "But my mom says that ladies with big butts always have cookies in their handbags." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38644) - you deserved it (4878) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 05/15/2013 at 2:58am - misc - by grossesfesses (woman) - France (Picardie)
Today, my boyfriend yelled at me. Apparently I'm not the "classy girl" he thought I was, and he's not comfortable "doing such vile things in public." I had tried to hold his hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42929) - you deserved it (3197)
On 05/15/2013 at 2:43am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I woke up without my fiancé in bed next to me, but I assumed he'd gone to work early. I went on Facebook to find that he had posted a break-up post to himself from my account and set my status to single. I then found a note with "Sorry" written on it stuck to the kitchen counter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45207) - you deserved it (2582)
Today, I woke up to my friend stroking my face with the bottom of his foot and whispering, "Shh, you're okay." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33960) - you deserved it (3372)
On 05/13/2013 at 6:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Hawaii)
Today, it transpired that my mom has been spending her stint in prison trying to play matchmaker for me, going so far as to call one of her finds, "good breeding stock". Apparently, I don't already have enough criminals in my life; last September I was the only member of my family of 5 not locked up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35477) - you deserved it (2047)
On 04/16/2013 at 4:48am - love - by Grand_Cookie - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I was taking a walk, when an elderly lady in a motorized wheelchair slammed into me from behind. There was plenty of room to pass by, but noooo, trying to run me down like a dog, then giving me the finger and yelling "Watch where you're walking!" is so damn preferable. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36956) - you deserved it (3246)
On 04/14/2013 at 6:20pm - health - by danman (man) - United States
Today, I went to get my car fixed. There was a vending machine in the waiting room, and I was hungry. The snacks were overpriced, but I still had a little money left over. I noticed a bag of Cheetos hanging loose, so I paid for them, hoping to get two bags. They both got stuck. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29349) - you deserved it (7986)
On 04/05/2013 at 12:34pm - money - by Z'ev - United States (New York)
Today, in my job as an assistant at a music venue, I had to get posters signed by that night's performer. When I walked into the dressing room, I was told, "unless you're sucking my cock then get the fuck out of here" and had the posters slapped out of my hands. It's my job to deal with these pricks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29529) - you deserved it (2275)
On 04/02/2013 at 9:26pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I was on a bumpy bus ride and had to write a note, so I held my notebook against the bus window to steady my hand. An elderly woman then yelled at me, accusing me of drawing graffiti on the window. The bus driver kicked me off and I had to wait an hour in the rain for the next bus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28369) - you deserved it (1691)
On 03/27/2013 at 1:41am - misc - by 00sasori - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was at McDonald's. As I left the counter with the food, I heard the cashier mutter, "Fat ass." I turned around and demanded to see the manager. Once he came and heard the situation, he looked at me and said, "Well, it's not like he's wrong, right?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (32009) - you deserved it (13805)
On 03/27/2013 at 1:04am - health - by first time at McDonald's in months... - United States
Today, I found out that what my husband meant by "we should try swinging" is "I really want to have sex with this one friend of yours, and if you so much as make eye contact with any guy I'm going to totally flip out and threaten to kill him and you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37765) - you deserved it (3892)
On 03/26/2013 at 8:07am - intimacy - by SwinginSolo (woman) - United States
Today, my boyfriend, who moved in about a month ago, decided he wanted to move back out. Why? Because I don't keep my place clean enough for him. This, coming from the same man who refuses to wash or clean anything because "that's what women are for." FML
I agree, your life sucks (30279) - you deserved it (8405)
On 03/26/2013 at 12:15am - love - by ShouldBeSingleSoon (woman) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8065) - you deserved it (48659)
On 03/25/2013 at 2:31pm - health - by anon - United States
Today, my friend asked to borrow my new laptop to email his college professor. When he returned it, it had a virus on it, and I had to fish out two pubic hairs that were sticking out between the keys. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32293) - you deserved it (5124)
On 03/25/2013 at 2:25pm - misc - by grossed out - United Kingdom (Peterborough)
Today, I was at a goodbye dinner with friends before I move back to America. A friend called to cry over relationship problems she refuses to fix. While I was outside trying to politely get off the phone, my friends ate and drank everything I'd ordered and closed the bill. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24896) - you deserved it (3984)
On 03/25/2013 at 9:13am - misc - by sorryyouweregone - Japan (Tokyo)
Friday 24 May 2013
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