Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

plaguer

Online | Search for a member

plaguer

3Liked!

plaguerplaguer
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 27 March 1993 (21 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 6641
  • Number of comments : 170
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About plaguer : Red haired metal head gore whore video game girl. I make coffee and sell books for a living. My boyfriend is better than yours.

plaguer's page activity

Visits<b>WhatTheHeckman8</b> - yesterday at 10:44pm<b>brittany310</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 12:43am<b>MrFloooo</b> - the 02/26/2015 at 10:56am<b>adrianvons</b> - the 02/25/2015 at 5:37am<b>Celeden</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 6:11am<b>cottoncandylips</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 10:03pm<b>kingkobrastrikes</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 3:35pm<b>lalundsten</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 8:34pm<b>joshtapp</b> - the 02/03/2015 at 2:25am<b>Arni792</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 1:53pm<b>steve1122</b> - the 01/29/2015 at 8:46am<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 01/29/2015 at 4:13am<b>xEliteVenom</b> - the 01/29/2015 at 12:00am<b>arano</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 6:53pm<b>kellilynn</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 6:47pm<b>insanecutie</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 10:24am<b>stuckintime</b> - the 01/25/2015 at 9:04am<b>BloodyDemon</b> - the 01/24/2015 at 1:02am

Liked!<b>joshtapp</b> - the 02/03/2015 at 8:25am<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 01/29/2015 at 10:14am<b>CuriousYel1ow</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 4:12pm

plaguer's FML badges

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

See all of plaguer's badges

plaguer's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

#20418295
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49140) - you deserved it (10260)

On 12/24/2012 at 8:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML

#20417936
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15194) - you deserved it (35110)

On 12/24/2012 at 1:37am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I took my child to the park. Having been there an hour, another mum came up to me and we started talking. She then told me that one kid had been harassing her children, pointing to my child. When she asked which one was mine I pointed to a random kid. It was hers. FML

#20415890
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16693) - you deserved it (47012)

On 12/23/2012 at 10:02am - kids - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

#20412240
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41914) - you deserved it (8186)

On 12/21/2012 at 8:16pm - intimacy - by anonymaiacciu (woman) - France

Today, I started a new job. I'm now trapped in a small office with a woman who says, "Oh my gravy!" constantly. In response to everything. FML

#20201125
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21407) - you deserved it (1823)

On 12/11/2012 at 9:53pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I had a presentation in French class. I was so nervous, the first thing I said when I got up there was, "Hola." FML

#20193303
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25172) - you deserved it (4787)

On 12/06/2012 at 12:35am - work - by SpanishInFrenchClass (woman) - United States

Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML

#20181043
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28312) - you deserved it (1620)

On 11/27/2012 at 9:32am - misc - by Cracky - United States (Maryland)

Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML

#20175044
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11536) - you deserved it (23963)

On 11/23/2012 at 10:10am - animals - by Jeanna S. - United States

Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML

#20172584
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7386) - you deserved it (32503)

On 11/21/2012 at 4:06pm - misc - by nekkidness (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was severely chewed out by my boss because, according to him, I look down on him too often. I'm 6ft5. FML

#20162604
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23211) - you deserved it (1573) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/13/2012 at 4:23pm - work - by makiju - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML

#20154996
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17273) - you deserved it (28109)

On 11/08/2012 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by shit.... (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, I decided to watch some porn to cheer myself up after having recently been dumped. Halfway through wanking the gibbon, I got a horrifyingly painful cramp in my foot, and cried out in pain. Ten seconds later, with my pants still down, my dad rushed in to see if I was okay. FML

#20135660
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24440) - you deserved it (13713)

On 10/27/2012 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by whoreticulturalist (man) - United Kingdom (Plymouth)

Today, my mom called me an asshole. She was embarrassed when she saw that a visiting family member had overheard, and tried to cover it up with, "Honey, you are a casserole! You are just delicious, any guy is gonna want you sweetie!" She honestly thought this would work. FML

#20133203
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27946) - you deserved it (2279)

On 10/25/2012 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Agirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came home from college to find my favorite silk nightie that I had left behind being modeled by Bernie, the family dog. Nobody will admit to who put it on him. I don't know what's worse, that my family is a bunch of assholes, or that my nightie is big enough to fit a Saint Bernard. FML

#20129867
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19373) - you deserved it (3320)

On 10/23/2012 at 2:05pm - misc - by nicedoggy (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I tried to do my leaf collection project for biology, which ended with me being hospitalized because of an allergy attack. I have no idea what I'm allergic to, but my doctor says I should just assume I'm "allergic to all leaves, ever." FML

#20126324
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20644) - you deserved it (1302)

On 10/21/2012 at 6:31am - health - by leaftheerickson (woman) - United States (New York)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML
  • Madonna must be the only person breathing a sigh of relief right now thanks to all the idiots arguing about the colour of a dress. Thanks to a badly-lit photograph, everyone seems to have forgotten that she super…

Friday 27 February 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: