About plaguer : Part time barista, tattoo parlor rest of the time. My dog's name is Bowser.
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plaguer's favorite FMLs
Today, my mom called me an asshole. She was embarrassed when she saw that a visiting family member had overheard, and tried to cover it up with, "Honey, you are a casserole! You are just delicious, any guy is gonna want you sweetie!" She honestly thought this would work. FML
by Agirl / 10/25/2012 at 7:44pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I came home from college to find my favorite silk nightie that I had left behind being modeled by Bernie, the family dog. Nobody will admit to who put it on him. I don't know what's worse, that my family is a bunch of assholes, or that my nightie is big enough to fit a Saint Bernard. FML
by nicedoggy / 10/23/2012 at 2:05pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by thebeachisthatway / 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, I tried to do my leaf collection project for biology, which ended with me being hospitalized because of an allergy attack. I have no idea what I'm allergic to, but my doctor says I should just assume I'm "allergic to all leaves, ever." FML
by leaftheerickson / 10/21/2012 at 6:31am / United States (New York) / Health
by Bug / 10/15/2012 at 5:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by wdunn69733 / 10/11/2012 at 10:30am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/08/2012 at 6:27pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Kids
by Unfortunate / 10/07/2012 at 8:24pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she said, "You know, if I wanted to, I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML
by Anonymous / 10/02/2012 at 1:01am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/30/2012 at 12:37am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by emilyhendrix0414 / 09/28/2012 at 6:53am / United States / Animals
Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML
by Anonymous / 09/21/2012 at 12:51am / United States / Kids
by not the scalpel / 09/15/2012 at 3:36am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I had just bought a new $60 basketball and decided to go try it out. Five minutes into playing, the ball decided to roll into the hands of a little girl, who then said, "Mine". I thought it was cute, until she skipped over to her parent's car and they drove off. FML
by Bitchjackedmyball / 09/12/2012 at 4:52am / United States (Hawaii) / Kids
Today, I came home from work to be given $1 by my mother. This normally would have been nice, had my mother not said, "I just sold that ugly old black and white picture frame you always leave lying around in your room." Which also would have been nice if that "frame" wasn't my Kindle. FML
by humorizer / 09/12/2012 at 4:44am / United States (Texas) / Money
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't…