Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

plaguer

Offline (10 hours ago) | Search for a member

plaguer

5Fucked!

plaguerplaguer
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 27 March 1993 (22 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 7872
  • Number of comments : 170
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About plaguer : Red haired metal head gore whore video game girl. I make coffee and sell books for a living. My boyfriend is better than yours.

plaguer's page activity

Visits<b>BestOrginalName</b> - the 05/16/2015 at 6:39pm<b>OhYouMad</b> - the 05/15/2015 at 8:26am<b>Sp4wn</b> - the 05/12/2015 at 3:52pm<b>Bricktothehead</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 12:23am<b>Pyneapple</b> - the 05/04/2015 at 1:43am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/03/2015 at 5:38pm<b>Ice_Cold_Llama</b> - the 04/29/2015 at 11:01am<b>lagreeni</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 6:08pm<b>MistyKittyx</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 3:08pm<b>timotay89</b> - the 04/20/2015 at 4:28pm<b>Exodiafinder687</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 8:47pm<b>Malteser95</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 10:33am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 12:32pm<b>Markovski</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 1:10am<b>unscrupulous</b> - the 04/09/2015 at 10:02pm<b>knightofdarkness</b> - the 04/09/2015 at 5:17pm<b>Mendez6</b> - the 04/09/2015 at 1:37am<b>lightbeam584</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 7:24pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/03/2015 at 11:38pm<b>Exodiafinder687</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 11:16pm<b>joshtapp</b> - the 02/03/2015 at 8:25am<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 01/29/2015 at 10:14am<b>CuriousYel1ow</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 4:12pm

plaguer's FML badges

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

See all of plaguer's badges

plaguer's favorite FMLs

Today, I was out shopping, when I noticed a teenage girl with a double stroller picking up a pack of condoms. I couldn't help but mutter that it was a little late for those. A guy who must have been her boyfriend then stormed over and beat the shit out of me. FML

#20066250
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18093) - you deserved it (70575)

On 09/10/2012 at 1:52pm - intimacy - by killmenow - United States (Washington)

Today, I was out shopping, when I noticed a teenage girl with a double stroller picking up a pack of condoms. I couldn't help but mutter that it was a little late for those. A guy who must have been her boyfriend then stormed over and beat the shit out of me. FML

#20066250
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18093) - you deserved it (70575)

On 09/10/2012 at 1:52pm - intimacy - by killmenow - United States (Washington)

Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML

#20052579
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34313) - you deserved it (10638)

On 09/01/2012 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by thewhompingwillow (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML

#20051425
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12462) - you deserved it (36033)

On 08/31/2012 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by pride? what's that? :( (woman) - Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I thought I'd be spontanous and spice things up, and gave her a spank across the butt. She started crying. FML

#20051213
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27322) - you deserved it (15968)

On 08/31/2012 at 5:31pm - intimacy - by jon (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was playing with my vibrator. I was getting close when all of a sudden it short-circuited and made a sound like a laughing clown, scaring me half to death. FML

Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML

#20023096
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34562) - you deserved it (2913)

On 08/15/2012 at 6:52pm - intimacy - by what the FUCK (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

#20015589
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16213) - you deserved it (40416)

On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was at a Chinese buffet, and I got a fortune cookie. I opened it, and it said, "The love of your life is sitting across from you". The only thing across from me was an empty chair. FML

#20007961
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33880) - you deserved it (3187)

On 08/07/2012 at 4:13pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML

#20004599
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21986) - you deserved it (4514)

On 08/05/2012 at 9:10pm - kids - by milf - United States (Indiana)

Today, I got into a debate with my boyfriend over whether or not oral sex was considered sex. I stood firm that it was not. Apparently, he took this as permission, as later that night I walked in on him not having sex with my sister. FML

#19939596
356 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34320) - you deserved it (39707)

On 07/15/2012 at 1:34am - intimacy - by oops - United States

Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen an elephant with white ears. I shook my head. He then pulled the pockets out of his shorts and whipped out his sex nose. FML

#19926709
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34889) - you deserved it (4364)

On 07/12/2012 at 2:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a violent sneezing attack while changing my phone's password and now I have no idea what it could be. FML

#19911414
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27143) - you deserved it (4265)

On 07/08/2012 at 9:29pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML

#19877341
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33306) - you deserved it (4808)

On 07/01/2012 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: